Why China is like a juggler with a chicken and a chainsaw

Journey – PVG-NRT
Flight no. – JL622
Class – Business
Seat – 2D

After my hyperspeed drive to the Airport it is a slightly lengthy walk to the JL check in – at which point I am a tad concerned as to whether the flight is actually flying today given the complete absence of pax checking in. Although there is some bemusement and confusion they are able to check me through to SYD but are unable to change my FF number on my NRT-SYD flight (good to see the OW seamless integration of IT systems at work again).

[aside]

Barely a paragraph in and I am off again. I booked this through QF so they default to putting in my QF number. For some reason I still feel like a naughty schoolboy using my AA number. I don’t know why though – I actually fly almost as many segments on AA as I do QF and more of them in F.

I can’t past it though for some reason – and I really should. I now have the rigmarole of changing at the airport and then checking as to whether the change has been done ok and then the lottery of whether the flights will post.

The other risk is that part of me is still yearning to retain QF SG (only for the better chance at upgrades to F using QFF points) so I run the risk of just letting it slide to credit to QF and get SG status.

So much in that regard depends on what the next few months hold for me. I could change jobs and that could mean more or less flying on QF or not on QF – it might mean not enough flying to achieve EXP but enough to get QF WP – too many variables for a simple accountant like me

[/aside]

So where was I – ah yes check in at the JL counter. So after stepping over the tumble weed it is off to customs and immigration. There have been some changes in customs regs so that you don’t need to fill in a form of some kind but still need to have an outbound passenger card. I found out at the entrance to customs these are held at the check in desks. So back I troop to the other end of the airport to get one from the JL desk – realising afterwards that this could have been avoided if I had asked for one at check in, picked one up myself or grabbed one from a check in desk near the customs entrance.

There is the usual milling throng and PVG’s own variety of gate lice. This is the crowd that mill around the entrance to customs either seeing people off or asking people to carry bags through for them etc. A few deft kicks and I am through the throng (or perhaps given it is by nature a blockage it might better be called a thromb). Customs is a much easier process given the lack of forms to supply so next it is immigration. This is not quite as quick as inbound but is pretty quick still (even without an APEC card).

However at security I miss (or ignored perhaps) the 2x1RMB in my pocket which sets of the WTMD. Unlike our friends in Oz or in the US this does not require me to remove shoes, belt, watch or the iron in my blood but simply necessitates a quick wanding with beeps in the right places – belt buckle, shoes, watch and I am on my way. How much easier it would be if they did this elsewhere – people wouldn’t get away with just being wanded and fill their pockets with metal – it would just mean that they could see where the metal was. The only potential downside to this was that the young lady was slightly over-friendly with the wand :shock: - mind you given the nature of the young lady some people may not object to such treatment

After that it is straight off to the JL lounge which to my bitter disappointment is not much of an improvement over the KA lounge I have used before. I fail to be able to connect to the internet wirelessly or via an Ethernet point so for the first time in a while I am cut off from the web – some palpitations need to be calmed through the application of a cold beer – so this is where they were hiding!

The downside to my speedy (and surprisingly smooth I should add) drive to the airport and a minor delay to departure is that I now have quite a long time at the airport. At least I think there is a delay to departure as there is a single slightly muffled announcement with no other indication after that.

I leave before boarding is called I don’t want a repeat of my NRT experience aka mr wearetakingyourbagsoffnow…

Now PVG is a weird airport (well I think so and it’s my story so it’s my rules). There are escalators down from the main concourse to the gates themselves. The lounges are on the same level as the gates. So far so not weird. However there is nothing to stop anyone wandering down from the concourse to the gates so anyone can go anywhere. There aren’t even the little tapes that separate the special people from the others in boarding queues.

And this for me is why China is a juxtaposition of perceptions and realities. When I grew up China was just out of the cultural revolution, there were no cars in China, everyone wore blue overalls and rode bikes to work – and there was that thing where people made lots of noise to keep sparrows flying. When I was at uni it was the time of Tiananmen so people had moved out of overalls and into shirts and pants, but at the same time this meant for me - as some with no real experience of China – that when being here one would be watched over and the people controlled by some Orwellian Ministry of Truth – with restrictions on where you walk, how you talk and how you move. I have said it before and I am sure I will say it again – China a consumer mecca blended with a modern dance interpretation of a frog in a blender – juts with a little less Kermit.

It is incredibly hard for me to really write what I see when I look at China and by China I mean how I see the Chinese people move around like – well lets try an analogy. Imagine a juggler. Your average juggler will maybe do a flaming sticks, or bowling balls and if you’re lucky maybe a chainsaw and an egg – amusingly he drops the egg to build up the tension as you hope for once you are the person uploading to YouTube the video of the guy losing an arm that gets more hits than lonelygirl15.

Anyway that aside let’s get back to your juggler. Sure he has the bowling ball and the flaming stick and the chainsaw and the obligatory bowling pins (probably a 7 and a 10 just for irony) and four fried chickens and some dry white toast and just to top it off – a pig. These are all being thrown a different speeds and heights and angles, behind his back and through his legs, sometimes in defiance of the laws of physics and logic itself. But when you look at it – it is a ballet and opera in harmony and an amazing thing to see – but it is a brave man that steps into the maelstrom. And that is why they need more effective barriers at the gates at PVG airport!*

So anyway – where were we? Ah yes boarding JL622 to NRT. Just for the record I am writing this a couple of weeks after the trip so how much of the account below is fact an dhow much is how I would like the flight to have gone is up for debate.

On board I have a nice row 2 seat – much like the QF Dreamtime seats except with AVOD. As is custom my seat buddy ignores me and I spend the flight in blissful ignorance of his existence – a pleasant occurrence after the seat moving limpet up to HKG. We are given our menus just after take so I again opt for the Japanese meal. Overall there are some challenging items but the starter of lobster goo is just superb.

There is a slight champagne incident to report. They serve Piper Heidseck in mini-bottles – so far so good – at least it isn’t Monopoo . However the FA fills the glass too quickly so the glass overflows and we lose half the bottle. Not the end of the world so far – but when she returns with a fresh glass she leaves me the same half empty bottle – no top up!!!!!! Yes I know I could have asked for another bottle but I still felt gypped!

Now I said above that we had AVOD – at least I think it was AVOD. It started as loop but could be paused and rewound so it was weird. The AVOD guide was all in Japanese so it was tough to work out how to work the system and what channel things were on and I am challenged by the language options until I find the LANG button (blame the Asahi in the lounge).

After the disasters of the SYD-HKG flight I opt for Mr Magorium’s Magic Emporium – amazing that a movie of such schmaltz and cutesy fluff could be done so well. It even brings the hint of a tear to the eye of this jaded road warrior – just a shame that I rush the ending as my 2 ½ hour flight barely takes 2 hours!

After a smooth landing and a rapid exit I am quickly into the JL F lounge for a semi long transit.