You're kidding, right?

If all you want is grease, just get some and pour it on a napkin or in a glass and sip on it to your heart's detriment. Or, you can just fly through IAD or LAX and get your fill there.

SFO is easily the best UA airport for food for precisely the reasons you list. And, no matter where you are or what kind of food, an airport meal is going to cost that $8-9.

Peets Coffee is comparable to SBUX.

dare to try something different? Really, the SFO restaurants don't bite (although the chicken tortilla soup does have a kick!).