"UNITED CREW UPGRADES"- we interrupt this program for breaking news! Hopefully someday we'll hear a news flash like "UNITED CREW DECLINES TO SIT IN FIRST CLASS- OFFERS UPGRADE TO CUSTOMER, THANKS THE CUSTOMER FOR THEIR PATRONAGE, AND TAKES SEAT IN ECONOMY- ON THE WAY BACK, CREW HELPS SEVERAL PASSENGERS STOW BAGS AND MAKES POINT OF THANKING THEM FOR THEIR BUSINESS".