TOWER TALK #1....

While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate
female
ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie
taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it
right!"

Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control
frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state.
Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high.

Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you
once?"