Journey – LHR-LCA
Flight no. – BA662
Class – Club Europe
Seat – 1F 1D

I wander to the gate in advance of the call – a fear of repeating NRT is still strong with me. I am told that they are boarding small and infirm people but not J. I do note that there are a number of people who are child free and under the age of 90 who are boarding so I wander up to the gate – just slightly in advance of the call for rows 26-40. Now I am not 100% familiar with the Club Europe product but I am sure that J doesn’t start at row 26…

On board I am pointed to my seat by the cabin crew and in my daze I do not notice that I have sat in 1D rather 1F and as my seat buddy arrives I have to apologise but no seat change is requested – which is a surprise as 1D has faster access to exit than 1F. Perhaps my BA Gold seat buddy is not quite as obsessive about seating as I appear to be.

Finally we are preparing for departure and the only thing I can think is that I now only have 4 more flights until I get home!!!!!!!!! The lack of sleep kicks in and I sleep through the breakfast service – not even stirring for an initial glass of Champagne.

After they have cleared the breakfast service I decide to grab the laptop and do some more SOB writing. I have my Tumi arranged so that I don’t need to open the bag fully to get my laptop out – I can just slide my hand in through the zips. As I slide my hand in there seems to be more space in the bag than usual and I can’t feel the hard shell of the laptop!! I quickly pull down the Tumi and no matter how many times I move things around there is a horrible lack of laptop

In classic movie style a la Next I rewind my journey back in high speed trying to work out what had happened. I get back to FCC and my hurry to help the guys behind me who were rushing for their aircraft. I see myself put my laptop into a tray and my liquids and stuff in another tray. After the X-ray the liquids tray goes on top of the laptop tray….

I guess is it true that no good deed goes unpunished. Now I am normally quite pale skinned – amusing given that I live in the land of the sun but also not so surprising given I spend my life in an office, a train or a plane – but on this occasion I believe I went so white that the other passengers thought they were being visited by the ghost of William Spooner *

A quick chat with the CSM and all is ok – they have found my laptop at security. I am asked if I want it brought to LCA so I can pick it up there. Given the risk of missing it I elect to collect it when I get back to LHR on Monday as lost property is airside so I wont even have to go out and check back in. What a relief - or at least so I thought…

As I am a little stressed I succumb to accepting a glass of Champers followed quickly by a G&T (only Gordon’s). I am surprised at how long the flight takes without any personal IFE (I wouldn’t classify a 10cm screen as IFE). So I sit back and read more of my book and try to chill. The pax across the aisle from me take more than a little pleasure giving me some stick for my laptop loss which I take in surprising good humour. A brief chat to the CSM about the flights and Cyprus and the interesting revelation that they actually like this flight as there is 24 hours between the inbound and outbound flight for the crew so they can go out and get trollied** . I am informed that the temperature is 31 degrees in Cyprus so it is a quick visit to the lavs to switch into my shorts and a fresh t-shirt so I am feeling a little fresher as I ready myself to deplane.

Finally we are landing and then as light follows day we land. It is of course a bus ride to the terminal and within 5 minutes of landing I am through immigration, customs and waiting outside for my parents to arrive!!! Aside from the minor issue of losing my laptop, the hand luggage only bizzo is working a treat.

I think though I have surprised my parents by being so quick and I am left baking in the sun for a few minutes until they eventually arrive. It is great again to see the little fella (my nephew) – he has grown up so much already in the few months since I last saw him. This is such a massive ancillary benefit of my travels – being able to see my little nephew growing up through his first couple of years – something I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to do when he was first born in Cyprus 3 months premature…

I spend a very hot few days in the mountains (ok maybe foothills) of Cyprus having relaxing dinners and sipping G&T’s with my dad looking out over the vineyards. If only mrssimongr was here this would be perfect.


* OK so that is officially my most obscure reference – sorry about that. William Spooner was for the record an albino and thus his ghost might be described as whiter than white flag that has been left out in the sun for a little too long after having been bleached white more than a few times.

** Also referred to as: Ankled (Bristol) Badgered, Banjaxed, Battered, Befuggered, Bernard Langered, Bladdered, Blasted, Blathered, Bleezin, Blitzed, Blootered, Blottoed, Bluttered, Boogaloo, Brahms & Liszt, Buckled, Burlin Cabbaged, Chevy Chased, Clobbered Decimated, Dot Cottoned, Druck-steaming, Drunk as a Lord, Drunk as a skunk Etched Fecked, Fleemered (Germany), Four to the floor Gatted, Goosed, Got my beer goggles on, Guttered (Inverness) Had a couple of shickers, Hammer-blowed, Hammered, Hanging, Having the whirlygigs, Howling Inebriated, Intoxicated Jahalered, Jaiked up (West of Scotland), Jan'd - abbrev for Jan Hammered, Jaxied, Jeremied, Jolly Kaned Lagged up, Lamped, Langered (Ireland) [also langers, langerated], Laroped, or alt. larrupt, Lashed, Leathered, Legless, Liquored up (South Carolina), Locked, Locked out of your mind (Ireland), Loo la Mad wey it, Mandoo-ed, Mangled, Manky, Mashed, Meff'd, Merl Haggard, Merry, Minced, Ming-ho, Minging, Moired, Monged, Monkey-full, Mottled, Mullered Newcastled, Nicely irrigated with horizontal lubricant Off me pickle, Off me trolley, On a campaign, Out of it, Out yer tree Paggered, Palintoshed, Paraletic, Peelywally, Peevied, Pickled, Pie-eyed, Pished, Plastered, Poleaxed, Pollatic Rat-legged (Stockport), Ratted, Ravaged, Razzled, Reek-ho, Rendered, Rosy glow, Rubbered, Ruined Saying hello to Mr Armitage, Scattered, Schindlers, Screwed, Scuttered (Dublin), Shedded [as in " My shed has collapsed taking most of the fence with it"], Slaughtered, Sloshed, Smashed, Snatered (Ireland), Snobbled (Wales), Sozzled, Spangled, Spannered, Spiffed, Spongelled, Squiffy, Steamin, Steampigged, Stocious, Stonkin Tanked, Tashered, Tipsy, Trashed, Trollied, Troubled, Trousered, Twisted Warped, Wasted, Wellied, With the fairies, Wrecked Zombied