It's not polite to speak ill of one's fellow travelers, so impoliteness follows.

The first of our three game lodge destinations in South Africa is a very high-end one. We wouldn't ordinarily be able to afford this particular property, but the managers graciously quoted me the travel industry rate (as I am a travel consultant and agent) so we were able to hob with the nobs for three nights.

Although they can vary greatly in amenities (and vary greatly in the range and numbers of animals one might see on safari) the private game lodges in SA are a rather formulaic lot. Check in is around 1 or 2, followed by a light lunch or afternoon tea at 2 - 3, then an evening game drive from 3:30 or 4 until 7:30 or 8, then the evening meal, served often as not (weather willing) in a "boma," an open dining area with tables surrounding an open fire. Morning wakeup is at 6, coffee at 6:30, then the morning game drive from 7-ish until 9:30 or 10, then a big breakfast, then return to your lodgings for cleanup and relaxation (or packing and check-out) until the cycle repeats in the early afternoon.

The game drives are conducted in open Land Rovers or Toyota Land Cruisers (or something akin) fitted with three viewing benches behind and above the driver/ranger. Thus up to 10 people can travel on one vehicle, three per row and one person riding shotgun. On the front of the truck, sitting diagonally from the driver in a chair that sits over one of the headlights, is (usually) a tracker, most often a person from one of the local communities. The driver/ranger can be a local or not; there's a real mixture of races represented among rangers; the trackers however are almost exclusively local and black. The tracker is responsible for spotting and interpreting game tracks, and spotting off-road game (the ranger is supposed to do these things too, of course, but he/she also has to keep eyes on the road and maintain the descriptive dialogue to the guests.) After dark, the tracker is also responsible for manning the spotlight, used to sweep back and forth looking for eye-glint or other giveaways of beasties in the bush.

But I digress again.

When you visit a lodge, you are assigned to a vehicle team - ranger and tracker, and other guests are assigned to the same vehicle. Unless you are with a big group that can share a truck, it's pot luck who you share with. 99% of the time it's fine, and indeed you can form short-term friendships quite easily. In the case of the 1%, well, it can be otherwise.

Well, to cut to the chase, Mommas Don't Bring Your Chav Daughters on Safari.

Party of Brits with 17 year old scrunchy-bearing, bikini-wearing, blonde daughter who between flirting spells with the ranger natters more or less constantly, with occasional comments including,

(On learning that lions will try to kill young cats of different species,) "Why couldn't the lion and the cheetah just cuddle?"

(On seeing a tree whose seed pod resembles a sausage, hence Sausage Tree,) "I didn't think meat grows on trees."

All animals (the few species she recognizes) are called by their Lion King given names.

When animals turn away from the truck, she immediately and repeatedly starts singing "I like big butts…" according to the dictates of some rappers' masterwork.

"Do the Impala eat each other?"

Three days we get this, twice a day, three hours at a time. Why don't you go pet the nice rhino, sweetie?