I couldn't find a filling station to replace the fuel in my rental car close to Ben Gurion as we prepared to leave Israel, so I pulled up to the car return station and the guy looked at the gas gauge and said something like "oh goody" or its Hebrew equivalent. Turns out the BP station is just before the car return exit, so instead of paying double for them to replace the gas I quickly went outside the airport, filled the car, and returned to the obvious disappointment of the Budget Rent a Car franchise holder in Israel.

All of which led to us being a bit later than we wanted to check in for our flights from Tel Aviv to Madrid to Johannesburg.

Iberia, with just one flight a day to TA, doesn't have its own staff at the airport. Instead, they obviously contract with some other airline, most likely El Al, for ground station management and ops. Which puts a distinctly Israeli flavor (i.e., anal) into the picture, as opposed to the slightly looser approach of other Iberia stations.

So my round-the-world ticket, having originated in Japan and ending there, does not show me returning to the US. This causes the "Iberia" rep behind the counter to become perplexed.

"Where is your ticket back to America?"

"It's an award ticket, on a separate itinerary from this one."

"But where is it?"

"It's an e-ticket, here's the PNR (the itinerary code.)"

"I don't want the code, I want to see the ticket."

"I don't have it, it's an e-ticket."

"What is the ticket number?"

"I don't know, it's in the email from the airline confirming the award. But it's ticketed."

"If you can't give me the ticket number I can't let you leave Israel."

"Okay, can you let me use a computer here so I can pull it up?"

"No."

"Can I phone American Airlines so they can give you the ticket number."

"No. It is not possible."

"Why can't I leave Israel and solve this problem in a further destination?"

"You can't leave Israel unless you can prove you're returning to the USA."

Sensing we are now on the Tautology Express, I ask for a supervisor, and eventually one comes over and confirms the agent's read. However then he sees that we're connecting through Madrid to Johannesburg and that we're flying business class, and that my wife's ticket shows her returning to the States, so he uses his executive might by tagging both suitcases through to Joburg, and putting the bag tags on her ticket, so at least our bags are now going to Africa, even if I'm Charlie on the MTA in Israel.

I then ask him, "Look, maybe a supervisor in Madrid could sort this out when we get there. Could you just give me a boarding pass to Madrid and we can resolve the e-ticket business there when we get to Barajas?"

Moment of truth. Rapid exchange of Hebrew, shrugs, raised eyebrows. Okay.

I am free to leave.

At Madrid five hours later the customer service person at the Iberia kiosk takes all of twenty seconds to mutter something akin to "Oy" and issue me a boarding pass with no further questions.