There are benefits that a program promises in return for some number of stays/flights/whatever, and there are nice things that happen over and above them.

When I don't get a promised benefit, I ask for it. I have never had a serious argument, though once or twice I've gotten as far as "this is what I'm supposed to get in return for how much time I spend with you folks."

When nice things happen, like operational upgrades, I'm suitably appreciative. I can't stand the "Do you know WHO I AM?" types. If they were all that important, they wouldn't be on a commercial flight or handling their own hotel check-in. (I got one flight upgrade just for being in line behind a few of those and NOT acting that way.)