As promised, the final installment of my Indulgent Atlantic Adventure is at hand.

UA 901 / FRA-SFO
Boeing 747-400 / Seat 2A / First Class
Scheduled 1400-1635 / Actual 1400-1551

I was the last passenger to board in a completely full first class cabin. The seat map I looked at the day before showed only 6 out of 12 seats occupied, so I assume the rest were upgrades or employees. The overhead bin above seat 2A was still empty, so I force-fed the rollerboard into it, then immediately sat down and pressed the button to turn the seat into a lie-flat bed. The United First Suite product, whilst comfortable, is so old and worn these days that it’s always advisable to make sure the seat is operating properly before settling in, avoiding the not so thrilling experience of finding out once airborne that your lie-flat seat is stuck in the upright position for the next 12 hours. The flight attendant stood by holding a tray with pre-departure beverages, smiling down at me as I performed the functionality test, saying she completely understood, but probably thinking I was somewhat deranged . Back in the upright position, I accepted my plastic cup of bubbly and perused the lunch menu that had been placed at the seat before I arrived, along with noise reduction headphones and an amenity kit:

to begin

Join us in a sampling of appetizers:

Hot pan-seared butterfly prawn tart with arugula tomato sauce
Veal pate with Waldorf salad, red currants and cranberry sauce
Potato cream soup with bacon

salad

Fresh seasonal greens
Creamy garlic or Asian sesame ginger dressing

main course

Pan-seared filet mignon with roasted garlic demi-glace

Herb marinated filet of salmon with beurre blanc sauce

The above entrees include your choice of:
Oven-roasted three potato hash or a white and wild rice medley
Sautéed spinach with garlic or mixed vegetables with shiitake mushrooms

Chanterelle mushroom stuffed suckling pig loin with port wine sauce
Potato pancakes and red cabbage

Ricotta cheese and herb stuffed pasta with boletus mushrooms
Three cheese sauce

Please advise the flight attendant if you prefer to have sauce served on the side

dessert

To complete your dining experience:

Haagen-Dazs ice cream with sundae toppings
Cheese selection: Smoked Chili, Sbrinz, Bergader Bleu
Fresh seasonal fruit and strawberry coulis with yogurt

mid-flight snack

Sandwiches and assorted treats will be available between the two main meals

prior to arrival

Spinach and smoked chicken bruschetta
Lyonnaise potatoes, parmesan and arugula crème fraiche sauce

or

Chilled deli plate with tomato chili relish
Gravlax salmon, salami and pastrami with Tilsiter cheese
A low carbohydrate alternative

Today’s menu features beef from South America

We are proud to operate this flight in cooperation with our partner Lufthansa

White wines included De Vonage 1996 Champagne, Vincent Pouilly Fuisse Marie Antoinette 2003 (Chardonnay, France) and Dry Creek Fume Blanc (2005, Sonoma.) Reds on offer included Chateau Camensac 2002 Haut Medoc (Bordeaux), Yalumba Barossa Shiraz/Viognier 2004 (Australia) and Brancott Classic Pinot Noir 2004 Marlborough (New Zealand.) The port was Sandeman Founders Reserve (and not particularly memorable.) United really needs to do something about their wine list. These fall far, far short of the offerings in a true international first class cabin. And the whole serving Champagne in plastic cups before departure is just plain tacky. But then again, the selection on United is pretty dismal anyway, so why bother? Are you listening WHQ? Why can foreign carriers use proper stemware, but US carriers can’t? I’ve been told it’s an FAA regulation, but wouldn’t that apply to all carriers serving the US? Singapore Airlines, Cathay Pacific and Lufthansa all use real glassware for pre-departure beverages.

We pushed exactly on time, and the captain welcomed everyone aboard, announcing favorable winds would mean an early arrival into San Francisco, barring any air traffic delays. The live safety demonstration was conducted, and then the Purser made the usual announcement about switching off all electronic equipment until ten minutes after takeoff. She pointedly said (three times, no less) that all noise reduction headsets must be turned off as well. I was using mine and she came up to my seat and asked me to remove it, telling me I could use the United provided noise reduction headset if I wanted to. Not only does that make no sense whatsoever, swapping one noise reduction headset for another, but it is not an FAA regulation to switch off noise reduction headsets anyway. I asked a United captain about it after I was told not to use my headset on a domestic flight last year. Rather than arguing with the Purser and being thrown in jail for interfering with a crew member, I complied.

A short taxi to the active runway meant we were airborne and heading ever westward at 1421. The captain asked the flight attendants to remain seated after takeoff due to some bumps that were expected during climb out. Once released, service began with cocktails and warm nuts, followed by a second, and then a third round. Yikes! The reason for the third round actually turned out to be that the ovens were unusually slow on this aircraft. The Purser came around to each customer individually and welcomed them onboard, thanking those with status for their continued business, and taking main course orders. I’m not sure if she was really trying to be pleasant, but the whole encounter seemed forced, especially the half smile on her face and the lack of eye contact. I think this one’s ready to be put out to pasture. On the other hand, the German flight attendant who did most of the service in the cabin was fabulous! Classy, put together and genuinely personable. She really seemed to take an interest in each customer, chatting about how much they flew, the fact that she lived in Colorado but worked almost exclusively on flights to Germany, and other small talk. ^

Lunch was a long drawn out affair, as it should be in the international first class cabin. Three rounds of cocktails certainly put everyone in the mood. Tables were laid individually from a trolley and included a carnation nestled into the napkin containing the silverware and tacky plastic knives. Come on United. Other airlines can do it. Bring back metal knives please. Wines and bottled water were offered as the tables were laid. Soon after, another trolley rolled through the aisle with the appetizer selection. Unlike my last flight from Honolulu to Narita (http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=632616), there was no problem with sampling both offerings. The veal pate was particularly tasty, as was the potato soup that followed. Salad came next, followed by main course. Bread was offered continuously as well as beverage refills. The suckling pig was one of United’s better efforts, and a distinctly German meal. Moist meat and a very good port wine sauce and excellent cabbage. The potato pancake was rather soggy, but overall this was one of the best meals I’ve had in a while. As usual, the cheese course was a let down on United. It always is. And this time they couldn’t even manage to serve them at anywhere near the appropriate temperature. All three selections were cold and tasteless. How hard can it be to spend a little extra money and make this simple course a memorable one? I was too full for ice cream.

Stuffed to the gills with food and drink, I managed to squeeze in a Scotch on the rocks , and settled in to watch some movies, then napped soundly for about five hours, awakening as we passed some of the fly over states in middle America. I noticed that after I finished my individual water bottle, a glass of water had been placed at my suite, and continually refilled. I traded in my movie for another and checked out the snack cart that had been placed adjacent to the galley, but nothing took my fancy. Not that I was really hungry anyway. The cabin was dark as most passengers rested, but the light from the galley streamed in because United won’t (or can’t) install curtains. So plastic stemware for pre-departure, plastic knives with the meal and no curtains. Is this really international first class? I think I’d call it International First Class Light, which would be a good play on words, reflecting the lack of proper utensils as well as the annoying light from the galley. Unfortunately for United (and American) these things would make most paying customers look to those foreign carriers that offer true international first class cabin. That said, the service on my flight was superb, which made up for some of the shortcomings of the physical product and meal service.

By the time we were bumping gently over the Rocky Mountains, most of the cabin had come back to life, and the flight attendants began the second meal service. Beverages were offered, followed by refreshing hot towels. Table linens were laid and the meal was served on a single tray. Bread and wine were offered. I had the deli plate, which was fine, but reminded me of the deli plates they served on domestic routes in first class after the cutbacks following 9/11. I nibbled on the smoked salmon and the cheese with a glass of champagne, but the salami and pastrami were dry and tasteless. Coffee and tea were offered after the meal. The Purser came around to each individual seat to thank us for flying United, and didn’t seem quite so fake this time. Then she made the announcement about turning off all electronic equipment, again mentioning noise reduction headsets twice. This woman must have an obsession. A smooth touchdown at SFO put us at the gate 45 minutes early. It was a perfect time to arrive since we were the only international flight so I zipped through immigration and customs, hoping to catch an earlier flight to San Diego.

Unfortunately I had just missed the 1536 departure, and mine was the next flight at 1918. With that much time to kill, I wandered back over to the international arrivals area hoping to catch TravelManKen as he exited, but he was probably well on his way to the Bubble Lounge in San Francisco. So I took the long way back to the United domestic terminal, walking outside to get some fresh air. The airport was nearly deserted this New Year’s Eve, and I was through security and headed for the Red Carpet Club in no time, briefly stopping to see if Fung Lum was open for a dim sum pick-me-up that I would surely crave later. Dim Sum is one of the things I miss most about San Francisco, and Fung Lum fills the void each time I pass through SFO. Unfortunately they had decided that the Western New Year was to be celebrated, rather than the lunar one, and they were closed for the day. Baked pork buns were not to be.

Entering the Red Carpet Club, I presented my ongoing San Diego boarding pass to the agent, who immediately, and not so pleasantly, said I was not welcome since I was only traveling domestically.

“I just came in from Frankfurt on 901 and this is my continuation to San Diego.”

“Sir, the rules state that I must see proof of your international boarding pass before I can admit you into a domestic Red Carpet Club.”

“Wouldn’t the fact that the boarding pass you’re holding was issued by Frankfurt Customer Service be proof enough?”

“I’m sorry sir, but those are the rules.”

“Okay. Hang on.”

I fumble around in my bag and find the boarding pass from Frankfurt to San Francisco, laying it on the counter as she finished her chat with a colleague.

“Thank you, Mr. sftrvlr.”

“Oh, could I have a couple of drinks coupons for the bar please?”

Dragon Lady looks at me like I have two heads.

“This is a domestic Red Carpet Club. We don’t have drinks coupons here.”

“Really? Since when? I was in this very club last year and they gave me some.”

“We haven’t offered them since we got busted.”

“I’m sorry. Come again? Busted? Busted in what way?”

“Well the president of United Airlines was using the club one day and saw us giving out drinks coupons and got all mad because we’re a domestic Red Carpet Club and that’s not allowed. So we got busted and can’t do it no more.”

Me looking skeptical, but wanting to push it further because Dragon Lady was simply annoying me at this point, and I had plenty of time to kill.

“Could you pull up S*RCC/ADMIT in your computer?”

This is the profile in Apollo that contains the guidelines for admittance to the Red Carpet Club.

Dragon Lady looks somewhat taken aback that I know about this, but does as I ask.

“Doesn’t it say that I’m entitled to drinks coupons if I’m traveling internationally in United Business or United First?”

“I’m aware of that sir, but you are only entitled at the transoceanic gateway, and we’re a domestic Red Carpet Club.”

“It has nothing to do with whether you’re a domestic or international club. The profile says the transoceanic gateway, and seeing as I just landed here from Frankfurt, Germany, the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, that would make this the transoceanic gateway, wouldn’t it?”

“Sir. As I said, we’re a domestic Red Carpet Club and we don’t do drinks coupons. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

I was bored with the conversation by this point, and I obviously wasn’t going to get a free drink out of United, so I thanked Dragon Lady and retired to a window seat in the near empty club. I counted a total of eleven passengers and the bartender was sitting on a bar stool watching TV. Since the bartender also looked bored, and it wasn’t her fault that Dragon Lady was a Dragon Lady, I ordered a Bombay Sapphire martini, extra olives, grabbed some cheese and crackers, vegetables and dip from the snack bar, and settled in with a book for a couple of hours. A few more passengers trickled into the lounge as the time passed, who mostly looked to be connecting to San Diego from the United London flight and the Lufthansa Frankfurt flight. The San Francisco Red Carpet Club is among the nicest in the system, and probably the best domestic club. I would imagine the capacity is a couple of hundred people. It’s furnished with plush armchairs, sofas and coffee tables, with a sit down bar area with tended bar, as well as a self service bar with juices, sodas, coffee and tea, as well as snacks consisting of cheese and crackers, crudités and some cookies. The view out over the apron and towards the long runway is wonderful. It was especially pleasant on New Year’s Eve with so few users. Needing to stretch my legs I left the lounge about an hour before departure, and wandered slowly back through the art display, through some of the shops, and finally to the gate.

UA 901 / SFO-SAN
Boeing 757-200 / Seat 2A / First Class
Scheduled 1918-2044 / Actual 1912-2027

The load was light with United Economy being about half full, and United First three quarters full. 5B was empty. We pushed early, made a short taxi to the runway, and were airborne for the less than an hour final leg. Two rounds of drinks were served in first class, but by this point it was sparkling water for me to ensure I stayed awake for the drive home. A short, pleasant flight to cap off a whirlwind Indulgent Atlantic Adventure to end another year in one of my favorite places … 35,000 feet above the Earth. Perhaps I've been a little too critical of United in this section, but the physical product and meal offerings simply do not compete with the top international carriers. With the fabulous flight a few days earlier on Swiss, the differences were particularly glaring that day. It is what it is though. I'm still thankful to have had the opportunity to experience Swiss in one direction, and United First is still better than United Business, which is better than United Economy.

I know you have a choice of FlyerTalk trip reports, and would like to thank you for choosing mine today. I look forward to welcoming you back again soon.

Until next time …