Negotiating the ex-pat package ... wow ... nice!
There's a huge spectrum of foreigners in Tokyo. Some of us have "local hire" status with the same crummy standard-of-living as the guys who pump gas... and others are "utopia hills" 24-carat, bling-bling expats who dread the day that their company brings them back to Duluth and they return to a life without the gold plated jacuzzi, Filipina maid and tennis at the American Club.
My own status is closer to the guy who pumps gas ...
Your package will depend on a number of factors - how badly your company needs you in Japan, how gullible the company is (since this is a first time experience for them too), how much the company can afford, how well you position yourself and what your wife and family need to feel comfortable and enjoy life here. (The last is perhaps most important for your sanity and your ability to survive here).
There are some companies which could advise your company on:
- benefits that are offered to expats in Tokyo
- packages
- cost of living adjustment
- tax equalization
- healthcare
- education etc.
They have indexes which supposedly take account of the skills etc. you have and the needs of expats in this city...
Mercer Human Resources -
http://www.mercerhr.com/
AirInc -
http://www.air-inc.com/contact.html
(Disclosure - I have a buddy at Airinc)
If you find that your company is not coming up with the package that you need -- then it might be worth telling your company to consult one of those companies. (OTOH, if your company opens the wallet wide, then you might want to avoid providing a reality check).
Regarding expat life - it also varies widely. Some folks never stray far from the familiar neighbouhoods and groups of expats. Others go as far as to shun all contact with hairy barbarians ...
I believe you are in Tokyo now (or soon)? Perhaps you should try making contact with the Tokyo American club - I'm sure that there are folks there who would chat informally with you to give you a picture of the expat scene. (i.e. the folks who don't go native).