OK......

Anyone actually been de-planed by over-anxious, hyper-neurotic airline personnel? C'mon, 'fess up, you're with family here......

I'd like to know. "Cause, yup, it happened to the Snake.

AA, November 2001:

Flew in to DFW from DCA, transferred planes. I was sitting in my coach seat waiting for the start of DFW to LAX. Plane still at gate, door open, stragglers boarding. Talking on the cell/mobile to my office in Virginia. FA appears & says "Sir, you need to turn off your phone right now." I say "OK" she moves down the aisle. Wrapping up the conversation, here comes the FA 30 seconds later & says, louder, "Sir I told you to turn off that phone. Do it now!" I shoot her unpleasant look, no words exchanged, tell office "Gotta go" & terminate conversation. Office hears entire exchange.

Main door still open. Trek down the aisle to utilize men's lavatory, FA staring hard at me as I enter the loo. Make comment to FA that passengers in first still talking on phones, thus should be fairness for all passengers re: cell phone usage. Finish lavatory use, go sit down in seat.

Hear captain announce "We're ready to head for LAX, I just have to take care of one minor situation."
Me: "uh-oh."



Yup. Gut feeling is correct. Here come da judge. Gate supervisor tells me to collect my belongings & follow her to jetway.
No problem, grab carry-on & trail her out to jetway. Passengers around me shaking heads & smiling sympathetic, rueful smiles. One fellow captive says aloud "That ain't right!" On the way out, walking through first, I take silent note of the fact that 2 people are still....talking on their cell phones!

Once in jetway, I ask "What is the problem?" I am told by supervisor that the pilot will tell me the answer. Herewith appears the pilot, explains to me that "the FA is uncomfortable with you on the plane & thus you have to leave the flight." Me, somewhat stupefied, explain to pilot my side of the story.
Pilot unmoved.

I offer that I am actually the person who is uncomfortable with such a neurotic, irrational, anxiety-ridden FA who is supposedly looking out for our (passenger) safety, and who is obviously drawing distinctions between coach & fc passenger phone privileges.
Pilot unmoved.

Pilot says wait right here, ducks into airplane. Here comes my escort the lovely AA DFW Ground Supervisor. Off I go, escorted to terminal by Ground Supervisor. Me, quiet. Thinking maybe it's time to just shut up if I ever want to see LAX. Thinking just get to LAX & deal with bizarro AA nightmare later.

AA DFW Ground Supervisor tells me that some airborne AA personnel "are a little uptight these days" and she will get me on the next AA flight to LAX.

Me, trying to understand: if I was such a massive threat on previous flight, why would AA put me on very next flight?
My Conclusion: it's 10:00am, but there must be a bar open somewhere in the terminal??

AA DFW Ground Supervisor, to her everlasting credit & my everlasting confusion, upgrades me to Business Class on very next AA flight from DFW to LAX.

I conclude AA flight to LAX in haze of gin & tonic, mulling over my new incarnation as "Threat to Humanity."

I write a letter to CEO of AA. I received reply from drone assistant to CEO citing AA policies ad nauseum. No apology offered to me from AA, I get the "that's the way it goes, we have our policies" response from AA.

Bottom line: I'm not embarrassed. Quite the contrary, I strongly believe that AA should be embarrassed to have on-board FA's who should be actually be in therapy, or working at 7-11, or anywhere but in the air.

It has become a good story to tell in the company of friends.

Yeesh.


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Only one thing endures & that is character.
- Greeley