The last 4 weeks have been a little manic – 15 flights across 5 airlines, 5 countries, 5 nights on planes, 38 timezones changes and 34905 miles. As a little memento, I thought a little trip report on the last sector would be in order.

VS 350 BOM-LHR
Dep:1400: Arr: 18:35
A340-300
Upper Class Seat 2K

Preflight

Driving up to Chhattrapari Shivaji Terminal 2 90 mins before departure, it was obvious this was going to be a less traumatic airport experience than the traditional 2am departure; A trickle of cars rather than a flood and just a few people hanging around outside the terminal, rather than the usual crowd. Inside was equally peaceful – no queue for the luggage x-ray (though no premium x-ray for Upper Class unlike BA). Today’s security mechanism for checked luggage is a piece of tape, but no sticker. Very safe.

Check in was a breeze, with 6 counters open – 2 for Upper Class, 1 for Premium Economy and 3 for Riff Raff with just one passenger checking in. Despite this I had to wait for a short while to be interrogated in the nicest, most charming possible way about who I was, why had I been in India and the usual luggage questions. A sticker on my passport to prove I was safe, and a sheaf of paper in my hand (BP, ticket wallet with luggage tag, lounge invite and wellbeing in the air leaflet) I shuffled off to a queue less immigration zone, passing Iran Air check in as it closed. With only this flight, plus the afternoon BA and 9W flights it is no surprise the airport was deserted.

2 minutes later – after being processed in silence by the immigration babu – I was in the seedy surrounds of the Clipper Lounge. For the first time ever I was actually able to get a seat in the lounge rather than the bar area (which now seems to be smoking again after a period as a cancerstick free zone). The lounge is underwhelming, with a slightly alarming buffet selection on display (beetroot and parsley salad anyone?), a small spirits selection and some soft drinks in a fridge. This is all topped off by slightly surly ‘waiter’ service. Paradise if you are a Red Carpet or Admirals Club member, rather dubious for the rest of us.

Wifi is pay as you go, so I saved some cash and read the local papers instead.

45 mins to go and I decided to sidle off to the gate. I was accosted on the way by the VS interrogation cutie who told me that they wouldn’t be boarding for another 10 minutes so I could wait in the lounge if I wanted. Sadly the Clipper Lounge was too exciting for me, and I fancied hanging out with a different crowd at the gate.

It looked like a light load in the Y cabin today – a smattering of people in the gate area. A pleasant change from the usual throng of 300 people all trying to get onto a 747 at the same time. Pre-boarding for Upper Class, PE and VS Gold was correctly signposted and enforced, with two Y interlopers ahead of me being turned away. Random secondary searches were being performed; my sweetly innocent face got me onboard without being molested by the khaki clad boys of the CISF.

Onboard

A cheery greeting by the crew got me to my seat. The VS suite is a decent piece of kit for an overnight flight – the bed is really very comfortable and beats anything else in the market currently for a good night’s kip – despite being a bit on the narrow side in places. However, how would it stand up to a long day flight?

The first few minutes on board always set the tone for a flight, and thankfully it was a positive one. The purser came bounding up to me to offer a drink, and had a quick chat. The rest of the UC crew were equally active. At last after 12 VS sectors over the last year and a bit I was going to have a genuinely good crew rather than the frequently surly, preening mediocrities I had got used to seeing on board.

We were already to go by 2pm, but chronic congestion due to the closure of one of the runways meant that we spent another 40 mins sitting on stand and another 30 mins in a queue to get onto the active, secondary runway. The novelty of backtracking was followed by the four hairdryers on the A340 strolling us down the runway past a few rotting Air India hulks and into the skies over Vile Parle (genius name for a suburb).

The hairdryers bore us aloft at a stately pace, giving me plenty of chance to take in the cabin surroundings. The seats are arranged 1-1-1 in herringbone pattern. It is pretty difficult to see out of the windows (I know this stresses out aviation freaks and the conservative amongst us) but for me the arrangement ticks 3 very important boxes:

1. I don’t have to sit next to anyone
2. I can get in and out of the seat easily
3. ..and if you choose a seat facing the ‘wall’ it is all rather private

The bar at the end of the cabin before the galley at door 2. Now, to me the bar area is largely a cheesy bit of marketing crap, but it does come into its own on a grindingly long flight like this as it gives you another space to stand, sit or work for a while. By door 1 is the beauty treatment area, however for reasons that were never made clear no treatments were on offer on this flight. As I’ve only once scored a treatment in the aforementioned 12 sectors, it’s another gimmick. On the A340-600 the space would be better utilised as a lavatory – 3 for 48 J pax changing in and out of PJ’s in the morning is utterly insignificant.

The now slightly belated lunch service started – here is the menu.

Warm red pepper soup with a choice of warm breads (nice nan and kulcha)

Malai Tikke ki sheikh – Minced chicken cooked with cream in a clay oven, served with mint chutney

Chakri Aloo – Potatoes stuffed with dried fruit, served with mutter and yogurt mint dressing (very tasty – good chaat with a nice sharp dressing)

Main Course

Grilled chicken breast served with saffron potatoes, grilled courgettes and glazed carrot batons with dill sauce (chicken is never especially interesting, but after 10 days of gorging on curries and Indian grills, it made a change. The courgettes worked well, nice and smokey)

Slow roasted lamb chop served with lentil stew, potato cake, spinach bundle and grilled tomato

Goan prawn curry served with white rice and cabbage fondant

Paneer Makhani – Indian curd cheese in a rich tomato sauce served with green pea pilaff and piaz bindhi (okra cooked with onion and ground Indian spices)

Cheese

Brie (under-ripe) Emmental (plastic, slimy) Danish Blue (not bad)

Dessert

Blueberry cheesecake served with blueberry sauce

Butterscotch ice cream with chocolate wafers

Smaller Bites

Egg Mayonnaise Sandwich

Fish tikka served with katchumber salad

Lamb samosa

Afternoon Tea (served 2 hours out of LHR)

Chequered tuna finger sandwiches with tomato and cucumber

Warm scone with clotted cream and jam

Ginger honey cake

Drinks

The usual selection of soft drinks (Virgin Cola – yuk) and spirits (Tanqueray 10 etc)

Wines

I’ve lost this, but the Champagne was Laurent Perrier NV (light, not too acidic, works OK at altitude. There was a very nice Bardolino (medium bodied, clean, fruity) and a Slovenian Sauvignon Blanc. Yes, Slovenian. While not quite as eye catching as, say Canadian still an unusual choice. It was a good one though, retaining plenty of fruit at altitude.

The meal service was got on with a sensible pace, with orders taken quickly after take off and drinks plus a choice of either masala nuts or okra distributed. The food was then followed up 20 mins later. A small linen table cloth adorned the pop out table, and then a tray with the salt, pepper and other bits was placed on top.

It was about this point that I discovered my seat had a most irritating fault. It kept slowly reclining. I would get comfortable, and 5 mins later would be contorted into a funny shape. Plenty apologies from the crew but with a full J load I had the choice of either dealing with it or sitting in a middle seat in PE! Being a brave solider, I just got on with it. A bit of playing around with the pillow meant I found a fairly comfortable reclining position. For work, I started to consider the bar really rather useful after all. And no, I didn’t ask for compensation. It’s just one of those things.

5 hours into the flight I had a little sleep and woke up refreshed and wondering at how those who had slept the whole way through the flight were going to be able to get back to sleep that evening. The Suite is very good for a night’s kip, so long as you keep your legs tucked in. It can feel just a little bit cramped, but the duvet and pad on top of the already soft seat make things nice and cosy.

Mentally the weekend had now started so I thought I would relax with VS’s fab AVOD system VPort. Sadly, this plane didn’t have this, instead offering a 20 channel rolling video system. Rather frustrating – with such a small fleet it is disappointing that Virgin aren’t able to offer a consistent product.

Afternoon tea was served – as promised – 2 hours out of London. The warm scone was nice, but the cream a complete travesty (some horrible stuff out of an aerosol). I washed this down with a couple of glasses of champagne (well, it was the weekend) and curled up with Persian Fire by Tom Holland (cracking read if you are interested in history). The seat was still sliding up and down, and the seats at the bar had grown very comfortable so I made the best of it until we entered the traditional stack before LHR.

The crew – as they had been through out the flight – worked hard to get the cabin shipshape before landing. I was pleased with how hard they all worked – plenty of drinks runs through the cabin, bells answered attentively and plenty of smiles. A pleasant experience for once onboard Virgin. We then swooped down out of the damp, grey skies and on to the equally damp, grey tarmac of LHR for the customary 20 minutes tour of the airport. We were on gate just a shade over an hour late. A small cluster of ground staff were on hand to meet those who had missed connections, while the rest of us bid our farewells to the crew and head for immigration.

IRIS was working, and my bags were on the belt within 10 minutes in priority order (see BA, it can be done at LHR). Customs were unusually busy pulling people over and one Chinese guy was being given quite a rollocking over some cigarettes he hadn’t declared. A short queue at the limo desk and it was out into the cool, moist night for an hours drive in a Volvo estate to my ‘other’ home. No travel for 2 weeks, bliss.

In Summary

A good VS experience. Much of the hard product on VS is good (the absence of AVOD notwithstanding) but the soft can be very variable. When it is good, they are a really excellent airline but all to often are not and appear quite mediocre.

Day flights are bloody boring and I am going to try hard to avoid them in future. But I do like going through BOM in 3 minutes flat. Very civil.