Now this is the part you won't believe! I threw a
turkey in the pot and when the thing thawed out the
oil boiled over on the wooden deck and caught the deck
on fire! We got the garden hose to put it out. Who
would know not to put water on a grease fire?

It didn't really matter anyhow. In all the excitement
I forgot to watch the cooking thermometer and the
grease must have become too hot. I was inside the
house looking for the fire extinguisher when I heard
the explosion. Have you ever seen a mushroom cloud?
It was incredible! After the fire department left, we
decided to eat dinner out next year.

Not only was our dinner ruined, but the
deck burned down and took half the garage with it. The
dog will be just fine when his fur grows back. We've
always wanted a Mexican hairless dog anyhow.

The fire department told us they make a lot of house
calls about this time of the year from people frying
turkeys who don't know what they are doing. Like, is
it my fault that the grease was cheap and the stupid
turkey wouldn't thaw out? They need to put
consumer-warning labels on turkeys!

Speaking of the turkey, we are still looking for it.
I think it may have blown to bits as we've looked all
over the neighborhood. If you see a turkey shaped
cloud of ash circling the earth, that's probably it.