Oh, well I'm just a lowly Gold. If I was a Diamond I would hope they'd be heralding such an arrival before I even neared the hotel. I'm also short one glue-gun, as I understand this is a special Diamond Amenity and I'm too cheap to buy my own.

But anyways, I've found the most efficient way to check in anywhere is to just say "I'd like to check in, last name [xxx], starts with [first 4 letters]." Seems to be quicker than handing over cards and such as most hotels seem to quickly look up reservations by the first 3 or 4 letters in your last name (especially if it's unusual.) If it's an SPG/HH property and they don't mention an upgrade, I'll then ask nicely if they were able to upgrade me. While they're finding my reservation I pull out my credit card and place it on the counter to expedite things.