First off, you're right - I don't have kids - I'm far too selfish and that is not fair to them, society, or me - in that order.

Secondly, my goodness, when I was growing up, there was a clear "ladder" of eating out with children - and I believe there still is, but parents must endure the limited menus until their offspring have managed some semblance of civility.

Here's the "ladder":

1) McDonald's/Burger King/Wendy's - lunches and even dinners here until the kids are BOTH out of highchairs and capable of being civil for the length of the meal...

2) Denny's/Shari's/Shoney's/Perkins' - breakfast/lunch/dinner - same as above, as far as achieving the desired results of decently-behaved children...

3) Cool - now you're ready for Red Lobster/Applebee's/Pizza Hut/"all-you-can-shovel-Chinese-type-restaurants" and even TGIFridays' - but only TGIF because it is so loud there that a crying infant/irritated toddler just blends in with "the flair"...

At all above "steps", one takes the infant/toddler/child OUTSIDE the restaurant or at least the dining area if he/she is "causing a scene" (I know, the clueless parents claim to never know this has happened, but really, folks, we all know when it has and it's possibly now too late to repair the damage)...

At each advancing step, the kids are rewarded for good behavior and reprimanded for poor behavior. The nice thing about this plan is that at the earliest stages, even abandoning a meal completely - great for one parent stuck with one or more kids - or having everything packed to go, is fairly quick and painless to EVERYONE!

4) PHEW! The kids may now be over 6 or 7 or 8 and ready for the likes of Outback, Cheesecake Factory, Maggiano's, Olive Garden, etc...

5) OK, the kids are now responding to "the look" (funny how everyone talks about it on planes but never anywhere else, eh?), verbal commands to "knock it off or we are going home, you kids are ruining other peoples' meals, please show some respect and consideration", etc., so maybe we can try a little more upscale restaurant once in a while - once behavior is more-proven, we can even go there more often...at this stage, the kids might even get a rare chance, on a special occasion, to try something like "lobster", with the all-important reminder to "NEVER order the most-expensive thing on the menu without asking us first, ESPECIALLY if we are out to dinner with other people"...as the little darlings get older, many other lessons about "eating at restaurants while on dates" can also be delivered

6) BINGO! You've now "earned" your way to a "real" meal at a "real" restaurant - please, restaurant people, don't jump all over me - I worked in them from 14 thru 25 - I mean that in a generic way and not in any way to imply that any (mostly chain) restaurant listed above is not a "real" restaurant - nor do I mean that these places re not serving "real meals", either - geez, lighten up already!...but I digress...by now, you (the children) know what to do with your napkin, how to eat soup, that butter pats are not for launching across the table at your brother, or worse yet, that cranky old couple who clearly have no children and no tolerance for your shenanigans, etc...you are also likely excited to learn the "really cool stuff" - like what that tiny fork is for, how to eat raw oysters, why you "work from the outside in" as far as silverware is concerned, etc...

7) If you are really lucky, maybe Mom and/or Dad will send you to "Cotillion", for exposure to even more-advanced manners and the opportunity to learn to dance and interact with members of the opposite sex and even, GASP, adults - but you've already learned all that from Mom and/or Dad (and/or other responsible adults in your life)! By now, you're in 7th grade or so - or younger if you're a quick learner, and if so, well, "Cotillion" will just have to wait...

OK, sorry to be so long-winded, but when did this sort of "common sense" thing disappear?

Probably at the same time I first encountered the harried mother, 2 toddlers in tow, at a Target in MEM, while BOTH her toddlers had a literally perfect example of a "temper tantrum" in the aisle...when I remarked that she might want to take them home for a nap and try again later, I was rebuked with "you have no idea - this is the ONLY DAY I can take them here and if they act like this I just "bribe them" with a toy so I can get my shopping done"...she then went on to complain that she "had to work" so they could "have 2 brand-new cars, replace their appliances every 5 years (??!!) and live in Georgetown (a tony suburb)"...

OK, flame away!