Re Wetter, I'm ROFLMAO!!! I think I'd be jumping up and down, pointing, screaming "Oh my god! What the F are you doin' you freak!" You seem to have much more restraint.

Re the miles. From your story, it looks like your corporate sales department rebooked you. Seems unlikely that UA will give you the miles... but it's worth a try. In my experience, if UA endorses the ticket to another airline, then they will if you call MP and submit the boarding passes demonstrating that you are not trying to double dip.