Just imagine if they had a tracking system it might spit out results such as "would BAA please do something about the pathetic queue at security as the line is 20 minutes long and the following hand baggage only premium pax are about to be off loaded...."

I believe that I have already commented on SSCI version 2 being mobile and being able to hunt out premium status pax from the queue, based on an RFID chip in the Exec Club card at LGW.

"Would Mr Y and Ms Z who seem to travel for weekends away together despite Mrs Y having a partner gold card, please go to Gate 57."

"May I have your attention please, if there is a group known as the FT confirmed batchelors in the lounge, please could they make their way to Gate 61 where the flight will be emptied of champagne shortly"

"Excuse me madam, your stuffed toy appears to have 42 different RFID devices implanted in it. Which oneworld programme does it want miles crediting to today?"

"If anyone has left a shirt in the lounge that is exactly the same shade of blue as the seats in Club Europe, would they please contact a member of staff"

"I am sorry sir, we know that QF cannot implant chips to UK residents in under 6 months, if at all, and that the batteries on your previous transmitter have gone flat. Yes, I imagine it is difficult to book an operation when you fly all the time and get stuck in Africa. Yes, you might have a letter from your doctor saying that you are entitled to a chip. Yes, we might see you here almost every week. No, I will not put that set of keystrokes into the computer to check your status as I have not been trained or am too lazy to do anything but beep the bar code. No, you need to have an expiry date on your chip and pin card, we do not accept lifetime cards. Yes, I know I told you all of this last week as well. No, I am not phoning the ticket desk where they know you. I am going to have to use the chav-zapper on you Sir, have a nice flight." Exit stage left to smell similar to roast pork.

and so on....