Matt, you raise some intersting points about the VIP clubs. Yes, there a number of other reasons you might want to join the club. In addition to the ones you mentioned, one could use them for Friday happy hours or watching Monday night football. I still believe they are not cost justified.

You mention bumping. Involuntary bumping is a rare event and is declining at most airlines - on CO it is almost non-existent. It is even rarer for elite members. You can play the bumping game by always volunteering to be bumped, but on outbound flights most people have to be somewhere and can't afford this. It's true that when returning home one's schedule is more conducive to being bumped, but even here, how many times a year are we talking about. A few? I suppose you can make a case that if you can get bumped more than once a year, it pays to have someplace to wait for the next flight, but joining the VIP club seems a bit extreme.

Connections - I usually try to fly direct so connections are much less of an issue. Even so, most domestic connections are 1/2 to 2 hours max. My guess is that about 65-70 min. is average. Even for someone who racks up 60+ segments a year, you are only talking about 30 connections/year tops(and that's if every trip has a connection).

Business meetings - A good idea, but I'd hate to see what my clients would say if I suggested I meet them at the airport!

Free local calls and snacks - Local calls are irrelevant - I'm on the road - we're talking long distance to be useful. Snacks are nice, but again, available elsewhere for a small price.

Checking in/changing flights - For elite level members in most any program the lines at the main check-in are usually short to being with. Changing flights can be done with a phone call to the elite line (either from the pay phone or a cell phone).

Being kicked out of the Hilton - I would much rather find a place to work at the Hilton than at the airport. And if you know you're getting booted at 2 PM, why would have a 6 PM flight? I think I've missed something there.

I could comment on the other items you mention, but for me it's pretty clear. The $350 (or whatever they're charging now) is ridiculous for real amount of time I would use the club.