FlyerTalk Forums - View Single Post - Overbooked Volunteers....Beware!

Dec 1, 2003 | 9:27 pm

#5

Cholula

In Memoriam, FlyerTalk Evangelist

Join Date: Nov 2002

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Quote:

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by B747-437B:
An opportune moment to rehash a blast from three years ago.... (I'm too lazy to find a link to the thread but I have the text sitting here).

Dear Valued Skymiles Member,

Please be assured that we never overbook flights unless we have more passengers who want to travel than we have seats for. This very rarely happens since most of our passengers are what we call "non-revs". These are people that we pay to dress up in nice clothes and ride around the country for free on our planes so that we can pretend they are full and keep our Platinum Medallions at the back of the plane where they belong.

However, in the unlikely event that your flight is overbooked, rest assured that our highly trained gate agents who are wearing their brand new uniforms (do you like them? I picked them out myself! They go nicely with our Aeroflot cloned tails) will take steps to ensure your maximum inconvenience.

For starters they will try to convince you that you want to fly on another flight. Sometimes they will even let you do this for free, but usually they charge you $75 for this because of my "No Waivers No Favors" policy. We are the industry leader in keeping low change fees though; that nasty Cousin Gordon at Continental raised his to $100.

If this fails, they will try to buy you off with as little money as possible. This isn't real money of course, just what we call "Delta Dollars". It is like playing "Monopoly". You can use these Delta Dollars to buy a ticket on a future flight that we will then cancel and blame it on the pilots. We will give you even more Delta Dollars then. The object of the game is to wind up with the most Delta Dollars by the time they expire, at which time you lose. You cannot win this game, only we can do that. Isn't it fun?

There are two types of low fares in our system. They are called the "L" fare standing for "Low" and the "U" fare standing for "U should be grateful that we are selling you a ticket at this price". If you are on either one of these fares, then shame on you Valued Skymiles Member. While we are "honored to have your business", we cannot let you get away with taking our Delta Dollars. Our elite Revenue Protection Unit (they are so cool that they get the new uniforms first!) will audit you and take away all your Skymiles saying that you only booked the ticket so that you could take our Delta Dollars away.

Valued Skymiles Member, thank you very much for your interest. If you would like another form reply to this question, do not hesitate to contact us via our website at www.delta.com (we paid a lot of money for this website too, which explains our "Fuel Surcharge" last year).

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Uncle Leo</font>

Excellent! I’ve not seen this before. Thanks for sharing...