To everyone not familiar with the BBC Scotland series "Chewin' the fat" (mentioned above) - the text below is my feeble attempt to adapt one of their sketches to a FT related topic. It's meant to be amusing - in no way do I intend to offend Baggage Handlers, Security guards or passengers of any creed, colour or orientation.

Wow, hope this is sufficient for a disclaimer


Baggage Handlers at LHR offloading cart:

(bag with BA silver tag)
Handler: ”Wank!”

(bag with no tag )
Handler: ”Wank!”

(bag with LH SEN tag)
Handler: ”Wank!”

(bag with BA gold tag)
Handler: ”Good guy!” (Grabs bag by the tag which bends in the process and delivers it to the specially designated scratch-dent-and-delay channel).



Flamboyant Security guard at LHR

(bemused German tourist with huge backpack)
Guard: “Wank!”

(deep-fried-Mars-bar-eating-IrnBru-guzzling Ned on route to GLA)
Guard: “Wank!”

(Me – incredibly handsome and dark 30-ish Athlete in tightly tailored designer suit)
Guard: “Good guy!” (“Step right over here, Sir, right in front of this fab full body x-ray scanner so that we can have a good look at you”)