Tango, I hope you won't minimize what happened to you. You were sexually assaulted, which is a serious thing no matter what age or gender you are. The after-effects you're experiencing are totally normal. Questioning your own reaction and perhaps blaming or being upset with yourself for not being more assertive is natural, but in the end this will do you no good. Just know that your reaction at the time was due to surprise, social pressure, fear, etc., and that it's not your "fault" if you were unable to do more than you did. I'm sure this is something you already know intellectually, but it make take time before you're at peace with it emotionally. Don't be ashamed to ask for help or support from others while you're processing it. I admire you for being willing to publicly admit what happened to you.