It's a quiet morning for posts today, so I was mulling over this question in my mind. Could it be:

- You are told you will be landing on time, but then spend half an hour circling over Ilford or some other God-forsaken place

- You land on time, then spend 20 minutes crossing the "active runway" to get to T-4

- You reach the gate on time, but can't deplane because no-one has come to the gate to meet the plane

- You find you arrived at the far end of T-1's Euro Pier

- You find you arrived at the far end of T-4's Victor Pier

- You get to passport control and fine the queue for EU passsport holders is longer that the queue for "people from dodgy places"

- You can't get out through customs because people have dumped their trolleys in the middle of the walkway in thee Arrivals Shop, while they buy a bottle of Baileys and Teddy Bear on special offer

- 14 minutes to the next Heathrow Express

- Long queue of traffic driving out of T-1

- Driving down the M4 spur after the Tunnel and all the taxi drivers hog the fast lane, going at about 30mph (why do they drive like maniacs in the city, but like Sunday afternoon drivers on the motorway??)