~6 weeks ago I booked SMF-IAD-LHR-IAD-SMF and confirmed my upgrades back and forth. My wife and son were going to fly with me as far as IAD, and I'd pick them up on the way back. It was probably a mistake to apply for my upgrade first, because when I booked my wife's SMF-IAD-SMF ticket moments later, only the outbound segment cleared.

Three weeks later when checking on her upgrade I noticed that she had no seat assignment. I called the 1K desk and asked for a seat for her and they told me there were none to assign. I did a bogus booking and saw a few window seats at the back of the plane but didn't call back immediately to ask why they couldn't put her in one of those. The agent said he'd put a request in for a seat.

One week ago I called the 1K line and asked why she still didn't have a seat, and the agent said no request was in, and there was no chance the upgrade would clear. The agent said she'd submit another request for a seat, and check online in 24 hours.

Two days before the flight, still no seat assignment. Another bogus booking shows only two seats available, one an exit row, and the other a window in E+.

I'd assumed all this time that she'd ultimately get booked into a middle seat and I could trade my first class aisle seat for whoever was on the aisle in her row. 1K agent said the FA's wouldn't allow that, that I'd need to downgrade at the airport. I tend to think I should take my chances and keep the upgrade, since I don't see how a gate agent could effectively shuffle seats to get us seated together.

Is there anything I can do at this point? Anything I can request when I check in to LHR to associate our PNRs? Is it advisable for my wife to check-in online at 24 hours (will blocked seats open up then, or only after people haven't checked in?), at least to get in the DM system (she has no status)?

If she were IDB'd, I'd hope I could VDB (that it is unlikely they'd only be overbooked by one), especially since we were travelling together (and as a 1K), even if not on the same PNR. Am I foolish to think that?