A) It's difficult not to feel ashamed when you've tried to build your reputation as a "frequent flyer"!
I dunno, having made US1 last year (to drop to US2 next year) and
having had 49 segments on regional or smaller aircraft in the last 11
months, no shame applies. I've made no bones about disliking anything
smaller than a 757 (sometimes I say 767), but circumstances and the
lust for extra segments take precedence. Of course, my own anxiety issues
kick in on ground transportation (crowded buses, e.g.) far more than air.
B) More seriously - I hate the idea of having a visible panic attack on an airplane, because I think of how I would react if someone else were to freak out near me. I'd hate to be the cause of someone else's panic.
Agreed, but is your vulnerability going to trigger someone else's, or will
it be a distraction by appealing to their sense of protectiveness. Don't
be afraid of showing a little weakness - that fear in itself may make the
episode even more intense.
C) Part of the reason I've fought so hard to get over my fear is that I don't want to pass it down to my children. I'm really worried that if my daughter, for example, senses fear from me on an airplane, it might cripple her ability to travel anxiety free.
This has a lot of resonance with your (B) above. I think it's a two-way
street, or a Catch-22, or something with twos in it. You're either going
to project fear or project the effort of mastering the fear. Six of one,
12 of the other.