Far too early it was time to roust ourselves from
bed. Staggered out to breakfast, where we discovered
ourselves under the scrutiny of two rather mauvais
types, who looked like either thugs or badly-trained
policemen, and who didn't take their eyes off us for one
second during the meal. Pretty weird. Paid our bill,
went back to the room, packed up, and started the long
motor back to Heathrow, a journey that took us an hour
45, counting refueling, having a hard time finding the
entrance onto the A14, a spot of rain, and several bits
of road work. Other than being time-consuming, it wasn't
too troublesome, and car return (after the girl got the
paperwork that she had screwed up unscrewed up, which took
a while), the Hoppa bus, check-in, and security were all
the proverbial piece of cake, and we had a nice stretch at
the club, where we tasted the Paterson's shortbread line:
Caribbean coconut, double chocolate, and cinnamon all
tasted like Keebler-type products, but the lemon-ginger was
superior, crisp and with lots of flavor. There are several
Scotches on offer, none particularly interesting; I tried
sips of the two I was unfamiliar with, Bell's, which was
unobjectionable and kind of boring but did the job, and
Teacher's Highland Cream, which was acrid, chemically, raw
alcoholly, and generally a disaster. This was amusement
enough, though, as all the computer terminals were in use
throughout our stay. Soon it was time to mosey to the
airplane, a nice big fat 777.

0911 UA 949 LHR ORD 1240 1505 777 13DE

United didn't exactly earn C.'s respect by assigning
us to different rows - I had to do a quick negotiation
with 13E to get him to switch with her in 14E.

And then when the first officer announced we were going to
take a 15-20 minute ground delay to burn off excess fuel,
the confidence level zoomed to an all-time low. C. very
kindly refrained from saying "now I know why the airline
is bankrupt."

Service was okay, certainly nothing special, slightly more
attentive to me I think than to C.

We started with warmed mixed nuts with lots of walnuts,
refills available; I didn't have a drink, though, as I'd
had plenty during the previous week. C. was going to
do likewise, except that she found out that not only was
there Champagne, it was pretty good Champagne.

The following list contains tasting notes by United
Airlines; my comments follow in brackets.

Champagne
Billecart-Salmon NV: Brilliant balancing act between
fruit and biscuit-like yeast flavors [I find it somewhat
unfruity, actually, quite yeasty.]

White wine
Domaine Riefle Classique Riesling 2003 Alsace: Not all
Riesling is sweet; this wine is floral but very crisp,
with green apples, honey and lemon zest. [Actually, this
wine was quite sweet but had good balancing acidity. I
found it somewhat floral with roses and a hint of citrus,
perhaps even grapefruitty at the end of the mouth.]

Raymond Estates Chardonnay 2003 Monterey: One of
California's famed names always offers a rich, buttery
Chardonnay with peach, clove and cinnamon notes. [This
ran out when we were just a couple hours into the
flight; after that they poured the Billecart, of which
there was a surplus (FAs giving bottles to their
favorites at the end).]

Red wine
Chateau de Moujan 2003 Coteaux de Languedoc: This
is a rich and spicy find from the southern French
vineyards of Languedoc. [The purpose of this wine
appears to be to show that the French can make wine
as bad as anyone else - it's shallow, irritatingly
unbalanced, soda-poppy, and if I'd tasted it blind,
I would have guessed Turning Leaf.]

Wyndham Estate Merlot 2003 Southeastern Australia:
Australia's legendary and unabashed richness is applied
to this Merlot's supple personality. [Spare me!]

to begin
Smoked duck with orange salad; artichoke with hearts
of palm and apricot and ginger chutney [this was okay,
two unartistically thick slices of meat; otherwise
exactly as expected; the apricot-ginger chutney was
a very tasty preserve-like substance]

Fresh seasonal greens; creamy garlic or Athena feta
cheese dressing [decent greens, the dressings served
from the cart - the garlic dressing a bit salty and
sour with a decent but mildish roast-garlic kick;
the other was a vinaigrette with cheese crumbled in]

main course
Filet mignon with sweet Dijon grain mustard sauce;
mixed vegetables and sweet potatoes with red onion
[as the flight was stuck half an hour on the ground,
by lunchtime, the meat was almost uncuttable by the
plastic knife, unholdable by the plastic fork (all
plastic cutlery on this flight, and we were still
overweight!), and utterly tasteless; the sauce was
almost boiled away but still tasteless; mixed veg
were snap peas, carrots, and broccoli, all extremely
soggy; the sweet potatoes were okay, and it was only
with their aid that I could get the meat down, but
the red onions were bleached white and tasteless]

Pan seared salmon with black pepper and tumeric;
mushroom pilaf, mixed vegetables and arrabbiata
sauce [once a decent piece of fish, now usable in a
pinch as lumber or a weapon; these vegetables were
celery, carrots, and yellow squash, and C. found
them the best part of the meal; the rice tasted
faintly of fennel seed, kind of nice, but was the
texture of ball bearings, not nice]

Ricotta cannelloni with red pepper and spinach
cream sauce; Parmesan cheese [C. reports that
nobody ordered this in the rows we could see,
11-13, except for one intrepid person in the
bulkhead]

dessert
International cheese selection; Shropshire Blue
and Cornish Yaarg cheese [I asked for the latter,
as I wanted to say "Yaarg"; it turned out to be
a Wensleydale crumble-alike with a pleasantly
citric taste and a rind that made it look like a
green-gray shaggy beastie on the outside]
[subsequent notice: although United spells it
Yaarg, the official spelling of this cheese is "Yarg"]

Haagen-Dazs ice cream [cappuccino something
flavor; this was pretty bad, as most Haagen-Dazs
things are]

prior to arrival
Your selected entree will be served with assorted
bread, clotted cream and fruit preserves.

British tea service; tuna red onion, chicken
Caesar and red leicester and pepper sandwiches
[C. had these and ate up the whole plate,
despite the fact they looked mashed, wet, and
gross to me]

Cheese plate with fresh seasonal fruit; Stilton
and Hereford; a low-carbohydrate alternative [I
don't care for Stilton and gave it to C., who
said it was bad Stilton; so I had a taste and
of course liked it better than normal Stilton,
as it was less moldy and more acidy tasting. The
Hereford was comparable to a year-old Cheddar,
with a tiny tang and a bit of rubbery give at
the center, near the rind being a tad more dried
out and the texture consequently more attractive.
The fruit on my plate were intoxicatingly sweet
red grapes. There were also grapes on C.'s
plate, only they were salty [!?]. The assorted
breads were raisin rolls, pretty decent,
represented as "scones" by the FA; they came
with Cornish clotted cream (ok) and Frank Cooper's
strawberry jam]

They didn't figure out that the movies were still off
until halfway through the flight, not that that's any
great loss. And Airshow showed us traveling backwards
across the ocean, an amusement. Plus my gooseneck
lamp didn't work (but my overhead light did), and
C.'s overhead light didn't work (but her gooseneck
lamp did). Plus it took two people to get my video
screen unstuck. I remember when the 777s were brand
spanking new luxurious airboats. They aren't any more.

A bunch of turbulence, I'm told, but I slept through.
I think we touched down just in time so that we could
squeak into the "on time" statistical category, i.e.,
15 minutes late.

Customs and immigration through Chicago were a snap. As
usual, the immigration agent had to manually enter my
passport information, and as usual, his eyes lit up, and
he made this funny sighing sound, and as usual I was sent
on my way. I wonder what is in my record. "Formerly
suspected of being a terrorist," or something like that
no doubt.

We had an hour at the club to look at the voluminous
backup of e-mail that comes from neglecting one's duties
for a week.

UA 730 ORD BWI 1755 2043 319 2AB

The flight loaded up like clockwork except for one guy who
checked at the counter every few minutes, then went down
the corridor in a huff, and finally took his seat in row 6,
a good row, just behind us, as the doors were about to
close. We figured he was a superelite who had been burned
by the downsizing of this aircraft from a 757 to a 319,
which as all frequent flyers know entails the tragic loss
of 16 first-class seats and scads of customer good will.

We were offered the choice of a glazed salmon salad or a
"chicken and cheese sort of burrito" - the former being a
decent piece of fish, in contrast to that on the long
flight, not grossly overcooked, and so still cuttable and
flavorful, served over greens that varied from wilted to
slimy, with Asian sesame dressing on the side. C. said
her burrito thing was the best airplane food on the trip -
it was certainly very cheesy and spicy; a ramekin of salsa
that turned out to be ordinary unspiced tomato sauce from
a can was not particularly helpful, though. Dessert was the
famous oatmeal-raisin cookie.

We landed a few minutes early, and our luggage arrived
after only half an hour (mine had been dump-searched, but
they replaced everything very nicely, so no complaints
there), so we were home, showered, and abed by half past
ten; thus endeth the latest adventure.