Oh God we've been here before. Although, I suppose it can't be as bad as that other town on the South coast...

``Umm Qasr is a city similar to Southampton,'' UK defence minister Geoff Hoon said in the Commons yesterday. ``He's either never been to Southampton, or he's never been to Umm Qasr'' says a British squaddie patrolling Umm Qasr. Another soldier added: ``There's no beer, no prostitutes and people are shooting at us. It's more like Portsmouth.''

Edited to of course state that I have no hard feelings towards either town my learned friend and no slanderous or libellous impression was meant forthwith or hereafter m'lud etc.