For the Ultimate in Card Service:
Amex announces the Plutonium Card by invitation only.
The card carries an annual fee of $10,000. The card will also be limited to the top .25% of all AMEX spenders, thus illiminating all but the ultra-wealthy.
Card benefits will include in addition to all platinum and centurion benefits:
-A fancy presentation box
-100,000,000 travel accident isurance (restrictions apply)
-priority checkout at major grocery stores (no 10 item limit).
-priority taxi service (skip to front of the line) in Chicago, San Fransisco, NY only.
-An exclusive nagging service (a plutonium concierge will argue with hotels and airlines for you when they fail to provide you with earned member benefits and upgrades (subject to individual program's rules).
-Priority airline lavatory access, no more waiting.
-guaranteed beverage and meal availabilty on participating airlines. (If they don't have your preference, they land and get it for you)
-Bad driver revenge service. Amex staff will locate and cuss out drivers who cut you off, speed around, and tailgate thus saving you the time and aggravation.
-Emergency toilet paper delivery service. Call the 800 number if you find yourself trapped in a bathroom with no toilet paper. 2 hour response guaranteed. (North America only). For a fee, a professional wiper will finsh the job for you.
-A free first class ticket on flights with participating airlines. subject to the following restrictions:
*not valid on flights betwenn Feb 6th and Feb 4th.
*not valid on flights during daylight hours.
*ugrades only confirmed after takeoff and after all other means to sell the First Class cabin have been exausted, including seats for pregnant women, the handicapped, the stupid, airlines employees and their friends and relatives.
-Earn 1 membership rewards point for every dollar charged. The $40 MR fee is graciously waived for Plutonium members.
-Access to an exclusive members only toll free line where our plutonium concierge, Betty (works Monday 9-1 eastern and friday nights) will do her best to arrange anything you need. Services are limited to whatever she can book for you through travelocity or expedia.com. For a fee, fortune telling and erotic conversation is also available (fri night only).
-You will also receive a free Plutonium Card holder T-shirt, to show the world how great you are. (XS and XXL sizes only)