this is normal for standby upgrades at the gate. there frequently isn't time to get an updated onboard list done by departure. super elite status will cure this. "gold" and "platinum" level flyers can generally upgrade several days ahead by phone, eliminating the last minute "gate shuffle". as for the inflight passenger list, most cabin crew seem reluctant to recognize pax by name anyway. don't feel badly. nobody in the front cabin is paying full fare anyway, unless they are brain dead, or lawyers billing the client.