...but we weren't laughing.

The last phase is what I wrote on my comment card and gave to the front desk person who corrected our bill (which was the punctuation for a weekend during which all we (the wife and I) wanted to do was chill.

With that lead-in, away we go with the chronology of a two-night weekend stay (check in 7/30- check out 8/1) at the Renaissance Westchester.

(Apologies for length -- but this experience merits a major rant.)

First off, we chose the location because it was midway between where my wife and I had to be this morning -- her destination being midtown NYC, mine southern Rockland County.

Saturday, 7/30/05:

Check In

We arrive in the lobby, head for the desk. There's one guy in front of us being checked in and we wait...and wait...and wait...and wait (even though there are at least three other employees behind the desk, deep in conversation who notice us, but whose conversation seems to take priority over what are obviously guest waiting to check in.

Finally, a fourth employee joined them, looked up, noticed us and waved us to her "station".

-My EEO complimentary free weekend night coupon floored her. She had no idea how to code it into our record; took it to the back (to consult someone, I suppose), reappeared 5 minutes later to say she'd "straighten it out later" and proceeded to the rest of the checkin (and I chose the 500 point option in lieu of an arrival snack).

-Had vague (if any knowledge) of the rules regarding Plat upgrades - told me that they no longer offered suites (told her I knew that - never requested one; just expected, if available an upgraded room and lounge access). Said she could do that. (She wasn't clear as to what their policy was as to breakfasts on weekends when the lounge was closed and I didn't push it.)

-Our room was on the Concierge floor and there was no doubt about it - the furniture was brand spanking new, but a somewhat odd mix of "old" and "new" styles. First off, the bed was exactly as pictured in the Marriott news release of last January heralding the new beds.

But, there was an armoire instead of the low-slung dressers and the TV was not only not a plasma one, it was the old standard CRT. Drapes, carpeting, easy chair, desk were also obviously brand new. Bathroom appeared refurbished, but was of "standard design."

There was also an odor - could be the new wood cabinetry or a cigar (or a mix of both). Not overpowering - but annoying. The widow opens so we decided to "vent" the room while we went to lounge on the adjacent to the pool patio. (BTW - the hotel is set on a beautiful piece of property, way back from the highway with a walking trail through lush woods.

When we got back to the room - about 5 or so, the "turndown" had been completed (not really turndown- they put a sample o some sort of lotion ont the bed along with tomorrow's weather on a card - no mints). Actually nothing was 'turned down" and the decorative pillows had not been removed.

So be it.

But, the window was closed so the "smell" remained.

So be it - we'd ask them to deodorize the room on our way out. Little did we know that the fun was about to begin...

I took the first shower, the wife was in the tub and just as I finished dressing the smoke alarm went sounded and my (dripping) wife, wrapped in a towel bounded out of the bathroom, ready to evacuate. But then, the alarm stopped. Then it sounded again and stopped. Then again...

I picked up the cordless phone to call the desk, but no dial tone. Then I went to the wired phone on a nightstand - no soap.

I cautiously opened the door and it was obvious - all was well.

My wife resumed her shower and I went down to the front desk and requested to talk to whoever was the senior manager on duty and that turned out to be the front desk manager.

She listened to my litanary, apologized profusely and promised to set things alright. Said she'd send an engineer to check the smoke detector and housekeeping to deodorize and vent the room. Asked me what she could do for us as a gesture of their good will and I said I was not looking to extort anything out of them - I just wanted a hassle-free weekend; nothing more.

Little did I know...

We got back to the hotel around 10 PM. the smell had abated and apparentlty the smoke alarm was serviced) and got comfortable - I was in a robe surfing the tube, the wife was tucked in bed reading.

The phone rang and my wife answered. - it was room service telling us that when they tried to deliver our Platinum Arrival Gift - cheese and crackers they noticed the "Do Not Distrub" sign on the door. My wife told them we never ordered it - we'd chosen the points and it must be a mistake and we thought that ended it. But you'd have to say they were persistent in trying to get us to accept it - next came a knock at the door. Again, we told them they'd made a mistake.

Sunday 7/31

5: 30 PM Concierge Lounge

Naturally, inserting our keycards didn't give us access. The attendant let us in after I proved I was entitled to access.

On our way out, we had the front desk re-code our keycards.

Monday 8/1

Awoke to find the fill under our door - naturally, we'd been charged for both days. We gulped breakfast in the lounge and went, once again to the front desk. Luckily I had with me an electronic printout version of the EEO certificate - it certainly expedited getting this straightened out.

The front desk person (obviously senior; (noted my MR # and said she'd only seen a "three-zero" one once before) apologized profusely, corrected (after much keyboarding) our bill and said that she'd personally report what I told her (a summary of what's above) to the manager and deliver my comment card (Simply wrote -- "A comedy of errors and we're no longer laughing and included name, room number etc. etc.)

She told me the General Manager would be calling me.

If he does, I'm sure it will be an interesting conversation.

PS - Fortunately traffic was light - I got my wife to her train in time.