Well, I'm now back from India and had a fascinating time. I did post some thoughts on the GLBT forum (where I asked more or less the same question), but, for the benefit of readers here, this is how I get on.
I was glad I had prepared for the questions since I hadn't been in my car from the airport for more than 5 minutes before I was asked if I was married/had children/what my father and mother did/etc... Given the quality of driving in India I thought it prudent not to shock the driver...
Next time it came up was when I was being introduced to the office here (about 40 people) on Monday morning, when again, I didn't think that it would be appropriate for almost the first thing that the India team learned about me, so I hedged around having a partner (because I didn't want to lie outright) but didn't correct the questioner when 'she' was used (and felt incredibly guilty about it, the first time I've been less than honest about my sexuality for many years).
On my last night in Gurgaon I was out with my primary colleague for beers and - well, we planned dinner but somehow never got to eat. We had a good rapport and had already discussed many of the topics I had been warned were on the "do not discuss" list (politics, Pakistan, poverty...), and his forthcoming marriage, so when he asked "tell me about your personal life" I thought I would.
He went very quiet, and started asking me quite direct questions about how I knew I was gay, what my life was like, whether my church approved - more direct than I'd have expected elsewhere, but I reckoned this was a lifestyle he wasn't familiar with, and I was happy to talk to him about how I had got to where I was in my life.
He then went on to say he was very confused, and this was very difficult for him, because he was attracted to men more than women, and although he liked having a girlfriend and wanted to get married because it was the societal norm, he also didn't want to give up his "bachelor life". He reckoned most gay people in India had a somewhat "sad life" and so didn't feel that was for him, but he couldn't set aside the feelings he had when he saw nice male bodies (as he put it).
I could only talk about the choices I had made in coming out (every day,- it's not a one-time process), and how I had considered passing for straight because there was a stage I thought it would make my life easier, but then I realised that it wouldn't work, and so on. I couldn't give him advice in the way I might have tried to advise someone in a similar position in the UK, because I don't know what life is really like for gay people in India - and if he is 'borderline bisexual' then perhaps the married life is for him.
It was a strange evening as he was obviously very uncomfortable with the topic, but he welcomed the opportunity to talk about it with someone from outside his cultural norms as that gave him a chance that he doesn't normally get. I hope I can be a sounding-board if he needs to talk some more, even if it's only at the other end of a phone.
So I guess the moral of the story (if there is one) is to be honest if the situation is right, because it may not be just to your own benefit...
General stuff on India from a first-timer...
I'm glad I prepared for it, since the culture shock if I'd shown up unprepared would have been huge. The relentlessness of activity was daunting and tiring, the sheer busy-ness of everything. I found the people stimulating, and welcoming. People really appreciated when I showed an interest in India and Indian people and culture. They're fiercely proud of their country, despite its faults, and want you to understand it and respect it. I loved the food, it wasn't as fiercely spiced as I'd feared, and I stayed healthy throughout.
I saw a little of Delhi (nothing like enough), a lot of Gurgaon (actually, rather too much), and a little of Agra on a flying trip to see the Taj Mahal (everything I'd expected). I want to go back, and explore more of this fascinating country.
Oh, and Odysseus - I heard all about Bukhara, but am saving that for my next visit with my partner...