On a recent freebie ticket I scored the dreaded SSSS TWICE - both xAsia and returning from EWR. The xAsia search was done with a minimum of fuss and, dare I say it - respect

Coming back through EWR, though, I got the whole business - the dreaded full pat down etc etc - I even had to open up a bag of chips I had with me!

Then, as I approach the departure gate, I am offered a free sample of food - on a skewer that makes a spear gun look benign! (well, it WAS an easy 3.5" long and sharpened...and I cant fly with nailscissors!!!???!!)

Wow...did I feel safe!

(As an aside, on my arrival in EWR I was apparently the only pax that this D of I N agent had seen roll their finger across the scanner (yes, even though I had a biometric passport, and was from a country well affiliated with the US I still have to undergo this humiliating proceedure - more power to the Brazillians!!! I can't imagine what would happen if we were to scan all the US visitors arriving here...) On seeing me roll my fingers rather than jab them, a discussion ensured

"Have you been arrested" asked the agent

"What????"

"Have you ever been arrested" the agent repeated

"No, I haven't!!!" (OK I was a little irritrated afetr some 36 hours of travel)

(and this is the kicker...) "Only criminals know to roll their fingers..." she said...

... !!!???!!

"Ok" I said "let me stop you there - I have worked for the ** government which requires fingerprint and security checks, I did forensics as a part of one of my undergrad studies...AND there was a continuous loop on the way over of CSI on the IFE - for FIFTEEN HOURS!!!"

That last line cracked her up and I was on my way...