The BD lounge at EDI is peroxide city (and that's before you get to the white wine) but the lady to whom you refer is called Frances. And she's lovely really. As indeed are all the others. But I'm bound to say that as I was out drinking with one or two of them in the Pleasance Courtyard last night.

Much more importantly, wingnut, I thought you had decided to shun the festival this year. So to what did we owe the unexpected pleasure? The Assembly Rooms club bar is empty without you. Well, almost...