You're not doing anything wrong, since inconsistency is the only really consistency on board. But for long-haul, at least, I am well over 90% of my flights where they make efforts to pay me more attention, get me my preferences proactively, etc. On short-haul, it's only about 30% of flights where anything extra happens, but tbh, those are usually under 2hrs a flight and I don't care as much either.

As for making the most of my status, this comes via the TA. Their service and care has been far above what the PSL would even make possible. Besides even better IRROPs handling, they are there when I make other special requests as well. Many times the sleep cabin booking at Schiphol doesn't work, and they've always managed to get the lounge staff to book my preferred cabin type for me. They helped immensely when I flew with my dog last year. There's a lot of things that they have helped with, and they are the undisputed reason why I aim for Ultimate. Besides this, I am quite fond of the upgrade vouchers since we're able to use them to get to some far flung places for holidays, and also the overdraft on miles comes in hand very often since I like to burn my miles as fast as I can earn them. In the last year alone I was able to use this benefit to get 6 round trip long-haul J tickets, which would've not been possible otherwise.

So there's value to be had beyond the onboard attention, you just need to see if it aligns with your needs and expectations.