Years ago, in the luxury hotels forum, a Flyertalk gadfly wrote a comically apoplectic "review" of the Peninsula Hotel in Hong Kong. He was particularly enraged about having a Rolls Royce transfer in a model that did not have window curtains. Everyday people could actually see into his car as he drove by! Surely proof the Peninsula was nothing more than a sub-par mid-tier hotel!
John Walton's hilariously snooty review of British Airways' first class reminded me of that gem.
Some of his examples of how British Airways' first class is little better than steerage: a "clunky flute" with "the thickest stem I've ever seen". The flatware was "samey". He directed some of his ire to the "lumpen, misshapen blue amenity kit". It's just an amenity kit! It's not a gift box from Tiffany's! Dear God, this guy can't be offering up a serious review! Surely, this must have been written for The Onion!
He went after the "crumpled antimacassar". Did he really look at the headrest cover and think antimacassar? Granted, the askew headrest cover would have driven me crazy as well; but, I recognize that's saying more about me & my OCD than BA.
He was "perfunctorily shown to my seat" with "little charm...or premium feel." But he was shown to his seat. And I'm sure the flight attendant greeted him graciously so I'm not sure what more he was expecting. Was he wanting a Garuda-type experience with the flight attendant getting on their knees and offering to put on his slippers?
Oh, he didn't like the tea. Twinings apparently isn't first class. Maybe he's right. I'm not a tea expert so perhaps Twinings (which I happen to like) is downright business class compared to Fortnum & Mason. I suspect he was more concerned with the name on the tea bag than with the actual tea itself.
Now for the cleanliness and maintenance issues. Mr. Walton has a point. I also wish more care would be given to cleaning. And his criticism of the state of the ottoman is very much valid. But he acts like these are issues isolated to BA. In reality, I've noticed serious lapses of cleanliness and lack of basic maintenance across the entire airline industry.
Mr. Walton starts his criticism with a look through rose-colored glasses at the British Airways First Class of the 1980s, an "inconceivably unattainable pinnacle of luxury travel". Yeah, no. Thanks to a generous employer, I was fortunate enough to have frequently traveled in BA's First back in the late 80s. It was remarkably ordinary, even back then. Recliner seats with generous legroom, that was pretty much it. Though, I did always look forward to the scrumptious vegetable cart that was wheeled out for lunch and dinner. Nonetheless, Mr. Walton's "lower-tier business class product" is a vast improvement over what was offered in the 80s.
In summary, nothing was going to please this guy and there was little about his review that was "fair and reasonable". He just wanted to tut-tut and use fancy words like antimacassar.
Sorry for the long rant.