Hi mileymc1, welcome to the board!

Forgive my tongue in cheek jealousy post - it's like an alcoholic admitting publicly he has a problem, makes me feel better about self-improvement. It's hard to convey tone of my "self deprecating humor" in a written post.

£4.5k is a huge deposit in my book.

Has BA offered to refund this? Or can you claim on travel insurance. I understand the deposit would not be refundable normally.

EDIT: reading the post again, it looks like your lost £4.5k. Do you have travel insurance?