I have never understood the popularity of Dubai: a desert playground for the super-rich where I wasn’t sure which would be more oppressive, the heat or the laws. I like my cities walkable, or failing that, easily navigated by public transport. I can’t drive, and consider taxis a ridiculous extravagance for a single traveller in good health.

Sadly in my efforts to avoid a difficult middle of the night arrival in Yerevan I had simply traded it for a difficult middle of the night arrival in Dubai, a city where the car is king. Confronted with a taxi queue that I couldn’t see the end of, and with no idea how outrageous the fares might be or if I could even pay without local currency, I honestly considered just setting up camp until the metro restarted in a few hours.

But off to the side I spotted a sign for Uber pickup, and so ventured out to a car park area. It turns out the terminal doors marked the exact boundary of the comfort zone I had been hoping to step out of, for once outside the assault on the senses was immediate and near-overwhelming.

Despite being midnight in October, the temperature was 30°C and felt a few more than that: no dry heat here, the air thick. Drivers and officials were locked in a constant sonic battle, horns vs whistles, to no obvious effect. Dragging more luggage than I usually do, it seemed that wherever I stopped to get my bearings was in someone else’s way: a situation they resolved by barging past or ramming me with baggage trolleys. I wasn’t sure where the official pick up point was, but I couldn’t stray too far from the terminal anyway as I needed its faint wisps of free WiFi to make a booking.

There were no standard cars available, so I grudgingly stepped up to comfort class. For twenty sweltering minutes I was continually assured that my driver was only a few minutes away – and then, suddenly, that my journey had started. Amazingly, the app has no button for “I’m not in the car”, so my only option seemed to be to cancel the trip – and be charged for much of it, despite not having moved an inch.

A second booking did fortunately work out, but all told it took two hours from landing to hotel lobby – a mere 5km away. Once in the room, I dialled the a/c down from 25°C to 19, then hopped in the shower to cool off – only to find that it couldn’t produce cold water, only warm to hot. Cursing my decision to ever come here, I filed a complaint with Uber then tried to get some sleep, although I was too agitated to really succeed.