I used to want a meat slicer. I still do, but between my other seldom-used tools and Mrs BV’s decorative nonsense cluttering the counters, there’s simply no room. And the cabinets are all overflowing with things I can’t recall until after I need them so don’t bother suggesting that.

As far as the kebab meat spit, I was surprised at how many gyro recipes called for making a meatloaf out of ground lamb and ground beef. Further proof that I don’t need this tool. God forbid I should buy one after the wife has seen those same recipes.

I own a cleaver. Mrs BV counts my fingers every time after I put it back in the drawer. I really shouldn’t be trusted with it.