The Man in the exit row finds himself occupying 1A on this afternoon’s run back to Hounslow. It’s a far cry from my normal spot behind the curtain with only a small bottle of water and a bar of sugar and fat to sustain me.
Mrs Man thinks it’s a treat but I have other motives: my TPs have just been zeroed and a car was hired for six days.
It’s been a while since I was ensconced in such an exalted position so I am seeking the advice of my fellow FTers on matters of 1A etiquette. All suggestions are gratefully received including responses to the following matters which are troubling me:
1. Which brands of vodka are available to accompany the pre departure caviar amuse bouche?
2. Should I have worn a dinner jacket (see above)?
3. Is “good afternoon” or “DYKWIA” the appropriate greeting for the FA?
4. Will the captain consult me on the runway selection at LHR? I prefer to taxi from 9L.
5. Will there be a red carpet from the steps to the limo taking me to the bus gate?

All offers of advice gratefully received.
Yours, trembling in anticipation,
The man in exit row.