Quick day business trip to London today. Red eye on time (unusual), better than average breakfast (unusual), very little holding at LHR (very unusual), half an hour early (almost unheard of).

To ruin an otherwise flawless trip, the busy bee in 5F behind me got his laptop out as soon as the seatbelt signs went off, and proceeded to set up on his tray table.

Now this guy was not a soft typer. No considerate tiny clicks for the unGodly hour. No this boy really wanted to punish that keyboard. Bash. Bash. Bash. And none stop as well. It felt like I was being pummelled from behind with fists.

I asked him nicely if he could type more softly (please mate it is 6.30 in the bloody morning). He typed softly for about 30 seconds and then started bashing again.

So I reclined my seat all the way back (convertible ET-CE seat with full seven inches in the face). He still didn't stop bashing but the angle cancelled out the punching effect.

Then on the way back - fully loaded - and yes you've guessed it. People with luggage in the hold have gone for a wander and got swallowed up by the worm hole that must exist in LHR Terminal One - and we had to wait whilst they removed their bags from the hold (and yes the ripple effect from the worm hole ensured that their bags were at the back of the second cargo hold.

I'd love to know where the worm hole takes these people.

Wherever they went I'd like to sentence them to a week sitting in front of mister laptop basher whilst he was putting the finishing touches to his ten thousand page magnum opus.