When Giles was driving me to the office in the Bentley this morning I noticed that he was sporting a pair of Burberry cufflinks.

After he had emergency-stopped by the side of the road and I had continued my journey by black cab, I instructed all my staff to take the test.

I summarily had to sack the lot of them; butler, chef, gamekeeper, gardener, chauffeur, Adjutant and even the Head of the Armoury.

Fraser, can I borrow some people to run the estate?