My experience at Calala was pretty similar to njvandy's post above. I'll just add a few of my observations.
On a positive note, the views are incredible, the journey to Calala is memorable, and the staff are very fun and sweet. The ability to say you’ve stayed on a private island in the middle of nowhere is also pretty awesome.
That said, it’s overall not a five-star experience (other than the service), and there are some definite cons of staying at Calala - the food especially was very disappointing.
Room
There should be 5 usable cabanas on the island by now (one recently completed), so there are up to 10 guests on the island at any one time. The cabanas are pretty minimalist - a beachfront open studio (500 sq ft) with a bathroom (with outdoor shower) and a bed. There is a little deck outside to sit on, as well as beanbags, lounge chairs, and a small palapa with a hammock. The cabanas face the ocean and are all glass on the front, so you have excellent ocean views and sunset views.
The bugs are the biggest issue with the rooms. Our and other guests’ room and bedding were covered with sand flies throughout the day. My partner and a couple other guests were bit up and had bad reactions to them; others had no problem other than annoyance. Calala provides bug spray and lotion for bites and does fog periodically, but the utility of each is minimal.
Staff
Staff outnumbers guests by at least a 3:1 ratio, depending on occupancy. The staff is incredible, and they are the true heroes of the Calala experience. The front-facing staff are remarkably kind, remember your preferences, will check on you without being intrusive, and are fun guys to talk with. Their jovial attitudes and laughs are infectious. They also use WhatsApp, and if there is anything you need at any time, you can text the number, and someone will respond right away.
On the other hand, we also noticed that the GMs (Claudia and Leon) don’t seem very kind to the staff. Multiple times, we watched them snap at staff over things that were minor/non-issues. Leon also made more than a couple uncomfortable comments to guests at the open bars before dinner, including to make clear that the “staff are not slaves” (which no one remotely suggested…).
Tipping is done the night before you leave. I found it tacky that Claudia runs your card and openly asks if you're going to tip and how much in front of the other guests at the open bar before dinner. Feel like it could/should be handled much more discreetly.
Food
Unfortunately, the food was generally not good (ranging from average to below average), as the chefs struggled with some of the basics. For a "5-star, ultra-luxury" resort, this was the biggest disappointment of Calala. Nearly everything we had - seafood, steaks, burgers, pancakes, potatoes etc. - was overcooked and also served burnt on occasion. One exception was tuna, which was served still partially frozen. Ingredients were generally not fresh nor high quality. Some foods were seasoned well enough; others tasted like nothing was done to them. It seems that the chefs are no longer someone who has worked at Michellin-rated restaurants. It definitely showed.
For reference,
this is the "fine dining" that is advertised on their website. This is nothing like what we experienced. There was little nuance like this in the food - everything was pretty basic like a (bad) chain American steakhouse. Anyone excited about the linked PDF, which they still advertise on their site, should pretty markedly temper expectations.
Whether drinks were strong depended on who made them, but they were all pretty good.
Also, dinner here is not “dine on demand” (other meals are). There is an open bar before dinner where the guests socialize with each other and the GMs. It is essentially a forced interaction, so if you don’t want to socialize or don’t care for the other guests, I can imagine this being quite awkward. Keeping to yourself is not really a feasible option here, so some personality types should be cognizant of this.
I began experiencing diarrhea and having headaches at Calala, which persisted for a week beyond the time we returned home. Nothing dire or vacation ruining, but it wasn’t ideal. I suspect the problem is the drinking water they provide. There are ample fresh coconuts the staff will happily open for you for water, which I would suggest as an alternative.
Other Observations/Suggestions
The Wi-Fi here currently is very unreliable and will drop out for hours at a time. Likely related to the hurricane, so hopefully it improves over time. If you need stable Internet to get some work done or want to stream things, I would be mindful of this.
I echo using Nestor for your time in Managua. He is usually available to take you to the Masaya market and volcano (which is spectacular to see at night).
Summary
Calala isn’t the place for you if: 1) you’re seeking high quality food; 2) you’re seeking 5-star, luxury accommodations; 3) you hate bugs; 4) you’re an active person on vacations; and/or 5) you want to be left alone socially and disconnect, as you can’t be anonymous like at a larger resort.
If you value views, high-quality, intimate service and an overall unique type of vacation, Calala is probably worth checking out, just bearing in mind that there are some definite cons to staying at Calala and to temper your expectations accordingly.
Knowing what I know now, it’s difficult to say whether I’d make the initial booking all over again. If Nicaragua isn’t a short flight away, I would probably look elsewhere. Similar to njvandy, I don’t regret the redemption, but Calala is not a place we would return to. I valued the experience, particularly staff interactions, and the memories I made, but that’s really difficult to quantify. Other than the unique location and service, we were not blown away by anything here, and the food especially fell significantly short. Overall, I don't think it's quite this glamorous redemption at the moment that bloggers (and Calala's website) lead you to believe.