After the last few years of dealing with the hot mess that LHR is on any given day -- my routine is simple:
1. Run the gauntlet hurdling / ducking useless barriers to get to *A boarding line without dealing with any agents as I dont have any checked bags and have my BP
2. Watch "experienced" travelers look incredulous when their liquids are rejected
3. Watch my carry on get "pushed" for an extra inspection to determine if my deodorant is compliant
4. Walk 3 km behind people that have never seen any historical pictures
5. Enter the UA lounge, make a hard right, get yelled at and then apologized to
6. Enjoy the UA lounge for Wine, Wine, Wine, Proper sausage, Wine, Wine, Wine, Proper bacon, Wine, Wine, (Wine if delayed)
7. Board plane
8. Beg for anything but the PDB Prosecco -- get denied --start movies
9. Refuse J food -- ask if Y food has the Thai curry -- smile when FA knows exactly what I mean
10. Sleep
11. Wake up and deny the pre-landing "food"
12. Land and wait 30 minutes for a gate
13. Arrive at gate and get yelled at the whole way to customs / watch the EWR staff sleeping in wheel chairs
14. Get to curb and then fight with Uber driver that didn't know I was going to Manhattan -- and make him take me
15. Get home and open Wine and repeat....
