I have a paper crown to sell you. It comes with the absolute and eternal right to call yourself "Burger King." From that day forward, you are legally required to command in a loud voice as you board the plane (and turn right), "Behold! I am the Burger King. Bow down unto me!"

I will even throw in a free pencil that you can use to add your new title to every boarding pass.

I have just one request: can you please let me know the next time you are flying so that I can join you to watch the spectacle, er, splendor?