Back at home in Torremolinos, Jorge and I lunched at our local Cafeteria Avila with Andres and Alexandra. When we were there on Monday last week we really enjoyed the meatballs. So when ordering Jorge mentioned that we were hoping they had meatballs today since it was Monday. Andres was so sweet that he said they hosted a private dinner the previous evening and that he might be able to give us a plate even though they weren’t on today’s menu! AMAZING. Eating there is like going home to your mom’s house for lunch. Except that my mom never offered me a glass of wine with lunch!
Gazpacho at Cafe Avila
After our mandatory nap, another friend Javi from Madrid texted that he was in Torremolinos and was at the beach! So we met him and caught up as we bobbed up and down in the Mediterranean. After he left we went to the Eden chiringuito and David showed up because he was back in town. This is how life seems to go here. It is so easy to create community. Spaniards are so open and friendly. We decided we would have dinner later at Estragon with David. Unfortunately, the only reservation we could get was at 9:30 pm, the sun wasn’t even down yet!! But we took it because we wanted to try this offshoot of another favorite restaurant La Caléndula. This was Jorge’s last night with me before he had to head back to Madrid for work. Those banks don't run themselves!
At the beach with David
What a spectacular meal we shared together there. I simply love fois gras. Keep the execution simple and I am happy. They did a great job. My doctor might complain that I have eaten fois three times this month. But it pleases me so. At my funeral please say nice things about me and how I really enjoyed life. Skipping an opportunity to eat fois is criminal. We enjoyed a variety of other dishes including a Malagueño sausage dish was deep with flavor. Both of La Calendula’s restaurants are top notch and set a high standard for Torremolinos.
Fois gras is my favorite
Our Tuesday began with the usual breakfast at Bolevar and then the gym. I used the rest of the morning to do my writing. As Jorge was flying out at 9 pm, he wanted some quiet beach time on a hamaca under a sombrilla. The rental is a very reasonable €5 at most places. Not bad to spend the day at the beach without getting totally burned.
I am not much of a beach person. With my Scandinavian skin, I do my best to stay out of the sun as much as possible and use sunscreen at all times. I have lots of old man brown spots. My doctor said I could live with them or he could burn them off and have lots of scars. That’s a hell of a choice! I have burnt off the bigger ones and yes, the scars ain’t so pretty either. The lesser of two evils I guess. In the Bay Area, I spent very little time in the exposed sun but here I am out in it tons. It’s a continuing concern.
One of our friends had recommended the sushi place InAsia in Benalmádena so we did the 30 minute boardwalk walk in the midday heat and happily arrived at a nicely air conditioned restaurant. Against my better judgement, it was a sushi buffet which kind of scared me. But my friend explained that there is a menu and you keep ordering from the menu as long as you want. Everything was freshly made to order. This was much better than I had pictured. Overall the sushi was of average quality and definitely met my expectations for €18 a person. And I enjoyed the variety as it was the first ethnic food I had eaten since I left!
The fun part was you ordered from a iPad tablet and your food was delivered by both robots and humans. My nephew in South Africa loves robots and I made him a video of our new robot friend. Due the heat, we opted to Uber back home. Cheap, fast, and cool.
Jorge and I are headed at the end of September to do a week in Egypt. It will be the first and probably only time I make it there. I am really reluctant to go. Their prosecution of gay people is HORRENDOUS. Our son really wanted to go their during his Fifth Grade Around the World year, but I vetoed it because I wouldn’t feel safe as a gay family there. Recently, my dear friends Tom and Charlie spent ten days there and really enjoyed it. So much history to see and experience. They reported not having any problems with being a married gay couple. They were a tipping point for me and Jorge and I Iooked into some tour options. Fairly quickly it was all booked.
Before he left for Madrid, we both sat down and applied for our Egypt e-VISA. I think this is much better than having to figure it out on arrival. It was delivered to my email in a couple of days and I just have to remember to print it out before we arrive.
As we walked through town to the Torremolinos station, we left time to have a final drink and tapas together. I had really enjoyed our ten days together. Jorge is an amazing person and inspires me to be more outgoing with strangers. He is so friendly and open with all the people he encounters throughout his day. We travel very well together too as I have written. As a fairly new friend of only five years, I am so glad that we have become such close friends. He always refers to me as Mama and I call him “mija” (my daughter). When people ask if we are a couple, I simply explain that he’s my daughter.
After a quick goodbye and a “see you in September”, he was off.
My days since his departure have been simpler and quieter but still quite social. I spent a chuck of this day trying to figure out what I was going to do for the rest of the summer until I leave Europe. I intentionally wanted to leave things fairly open. So on this day I decided that I wanted to return to Torremolinos and spent the month of September here. I was really enjoying it. The issue was I needed to book an apartment. I spoke to my brother and sister-in-law in Portugal and asked if they wanted to come spend some time with here with me. They said yes, so I needed to book a two bedroom apartment for the time they are here. I began looking at options and decided to splurge on a stunning apartment right on the coast with an amazing view down the beach to the west. When we traveled the world last time for a year, I had a monthly budget of $2000-ish for our lodging. In India and Vietnam we got wonderful places with that budget. Melbourne was a tiny two bedroom flat. So traveling on my own, I also was thinking I would keep the $2000 a month for lodging as a goal this year. Unfortunately in Europe that budget is proving to be a bit tight so I am pushing it up a bit for some comfort and nice views.
After tapas David and I strolled around and walked past the September Airbnb. It was definitely beautifully located and had a stunning pool too. I love walking around at night because the temperature drops and there is always a nice breeze. On top of that, everyone is at bars and cafes in the streets so it is such a festive ambiance.
My morning started with a text from José Manuel to meet him for a little breakfast. We walked to the Plaza de España near his salon. Since he lives in the area for many years, he knows everyone around. I really enjoy seeing such a connected community. Spanish people live in the streets starting their days in a cafe for breakfast and then a menú for lunch, and then tapas in the evening at another bar/cafe. It’s a very social life. As I write this, it is 9:37 pm and there is still sunlight. I am in the center village on the pedestrian street. It seems that all of Torremolinos is out walking, enjoying the cooler air after a very warm day. Today was the hottest I have experienced so far with temperatures reaching 96º here on the coast. The locals said these high temps were due to a strong wind coming up from Africa. The humidity dropped and the temp rose. But around 3 pm, the winds stopped and fog immediately settled in dropping the temperatures considerably. As the news reports record breaking temps across the United States and Europe, I am very content to be seaside here where the climate is much more temperate most of the time.
The retirees of Torremolinos. The question is do I need some white framed glasses to fit in? Or at least some heavier lip liner?
David happened to be in town visiting a friend so he invited me to tapas that evening. I have really enjoyed getting to know him better this visit after meeting him last summer. He offers me refreshing perspective on life here as a working class Spaniard. He is very blunt with his clarifications on how most people in Spain deal with daily life. He comes from a small village up in the mountains behind Malaga. After finishing high school, he worked for many years picking avocados. Growing up his family was poor. They cooked on a wood stove. Birthdays came and there was barely money for food and a gift. His stories were genuine and helped me understand life in the country. I grew up on a big American farm but it was nothing like that. When my grandfather and family came from Denmark, the beginning years were lean. But over time they became middle class and then it grew from there. By the time I was born, my grandparents always drove a Chrysler Imperial the size of a boat. They traveled frequently back to Denmark to see their brothers and sisters and their growing families. America was the land of opportunity and it had provided well for them and their three daughters. The story of David’s family was so different and made a huge impression on me.
Working at the hotel, he makes a basic salary and is constantly thinking about money. He has ended up traveling quite a bit around Europe and even made it to New York one time. He mentioned that they went to Frankfurt. And I asked, “Why the hell, did you go on vacation to Frankfurt?” He explained that each time now that he has vacation days, he goes on SkyScanner and finds out the cheapest place he can fly in Europe. Then he and two other friends from his pueblo book €60 plane tickets round trip and start piecing together a super cheap trip. Since they are from the village, being in a big city with large skyscrapers is a great way to spend their vacation. I love his adventurous spirit and his careful understanding on how to do it within their budget.
I woke the next morning not feeling great. My stomach wasn’t in great condition but I would push through. So a little breakfast and then I made it to the gym. By the time I returned home though, my stomach was more than talking to me. I had been gone four weeks now and this was the first day that I wasn’t feeling great. I usually have an iron stomach. Jack had mentioned that he drinks bottled water here in Torremolinos. I poopoo’ed his caution stating that I drink the water anywhere in the EU because of their controls and regulations. As I spent more and more time in the “smallest room in the house” that day, I began to rethink my openness to drinking from the tap. The tap water did have a peculiar taste that I had been trying to ignore.
I actually went back to bed and slept. I got up to drink some bottled water and then slept the whole afternoon. By 9 pm, I was feeling a bit better and decided I needed to get some electrolyte drinks and maybe some chicken soup. The walk in the late afternoon air felt great and my body really enjoyed the Powerade drinks. I even ate some Cup-O-Noodles type soup.
In the end I was down for a day but felt fine the next morning. I babied my stomach a bit the next day but it seemed like I was back and running. Was it the water? Or something I ate the night before? I will never know. But I am now schelping home bottles of water each time I go out. Better to be cautious. I should have listened to my Papa Jack.
I did remember that it was my son’s birthday before I went to bed. He is twelve hours a behind me in Hawaii. And if he wasn’t working, he would be sleeping until noon. Luckily I caught him at 9:30 am getting ready for work. My husband is back in Hawaii visiting for two weeks so he was with him for breakfast. It felt weird being so far and disconnected from him on this day. I took pride in throwing elaborate birthday parties over the years. I love any good reason to have a party. And birthdays are a great thing to celebrate. I remember one year I made this 5 foot long train cake. I had to go to Home Depot to buy a piece of plywood to serve as its base. All the other moms and dads were very impressed and asked if I would make cakes for their kid’s birthdays! It was an act of love though and I wasn’t looking to get into the cake business. My best friend and financial advisor Robert would often caution me that some idea I had wouldn’t scale. So I would never make any money. It’s good advice that has served me well over the years each time I think I have an idea for a new business.
So a five minute conversation for Corbin’s birthday seemed short and very unfulfilling. This was a reminder that in order to go on my solo journey, I would be giving up a number of important things. Connection with Corbin is definitely one. This year is about me. And I sit here wondering what it will do to my relationship with him if we moved to Europe for the next chapter. Maybe once he is married and has kids, we will want to be near our grandkids. But I am really hoping he waits another decade before procreating! This gives us a number of years to adventure and figure out what we are going to do in the future.
My Friday started with a couple hours of writing. It’s a great way to start my day with a cup of mediocre Nespresso cafe de casa in hand. But as I was sitting there, my phone kept buzzing. And buzzing. My paddle surf group was meeting and everyone kept texting about running late and other things. The nice thing about being in this WhatsApp group is that it inspires me. I was going to skip the morning paddle because I was trying to nurse my healing stomach but I was finally motivated to quickly get my act together and get down the beach. I had lied low the previous day and it was time to get back into the swing of things.
It was a great decision. Jack and many others had already blown up the boards by the time I got there. But soon, the first set of folks out were on their way back in and I got on a board quickly. I was very wobbly today. I was instantly stressed. I pushed through the paddle but never found my stride. A couple of times, I sat down on the board to catch my breath. Paddling and balancing is hard work. And today it was especially challenging. After about twenty minutes, I headed back in feeling like I never really got my sea legs.
Jack and me after our paddle
The nice thing about DiverSport is that I always meet really nice people. Today I met Rosa who is a grad student and her experience in unicycling has helped her a lot with paddle surfing. I instantly love anyone who can ride a unicycle.
I made it out on the water a second time and it went much better. The key thing that I didn’t do the first paddle was to keep my eye on the horizon. I was looking too much at the board and not enough further out. The same has happened to me so often in life. You get too focused on the small details around you and forget the bigger picture. It’s a mistake that I keep on making. Often my good friends help pull me out from the weeds, reminding me of the important things of life. But today, it was I who refocused away from my struggling feet and moving board to the far off horizon. In the end, I ended with a real confidence and knew it came from within.
Jack mentioned that he would be hiking up from the beach with TWO deflated boards today. I thought he was crazy. The heat of the day was beginning to hit and 150 steps up the cliff might be a lot for his heart! So I offered to help him out and thus saved him a trip to the hospital. Jack is an amazing organizer. I appreciate all he does to bring folks together and build community.
During our year of FifthGradeAroundTheWorld, we discovered CouchSurfing to meet locals and fellow travelers. I was pleased to see that there was CouchSurfing event “Welcome to Malaga” that evening at 8 pm. It took the train in a little early and enjoyed roaming the streets of the old town before the event. I ended up for a drink at a local place and enjoyed some great conversations with the waiters. He were saying that this year the heat was more than ever. It was definitely taking its toll on them.
The CouchSurfing event was lovely. I met people from all over the world. I really enjoyed chatting with two women from Ukraine. One had been here 12 years and the other was a recently arrived refugee. They both had amazing stories. I met people from Russia, Saudi Arabia, Poland, France, Australia… So many backgrounds and all with the traveler spirit.
By the time I made it back to Torremolinos, David and José María were out and asking if I wanted to join for a drink. Let’s say it wasn’t just one drink but we had a lovely time albeit late into the night.
Out in the Nogalera
At my age, I definitely pay a price for staying up late. And drinking. My aged body complains the next day, as it should! Spain is an easy place to stay out late and enjoy yourself. Luckily, these days it is the exception and not the normal of everyday life.
The nice thing about the gay, social networking apps is that when you feel social, it’s fairly easy to find someone to hang with. I had been chatting with a Moroccan guy who is a hotel manager up in Leeds. He suggested we meet and hang under a sombrilla at a beach nearby. I wasn’t up for much more than just laying at the beach so that would be fun.
My straight friends are always amazed how the gay mafia network works. It’s like being a member of a secret club with special advantages and privileges. As I used to travel a lot for work and sometimes I would get tired of eating alone. So after chatting with a local in any random city, I might suggest meeting for a drink. And if he was halfway interesting, I would invite him to dinner. Most of the time it worked out great and I got to make a new friend. If the connection wasn’t great, who cares? I wouldn’t ever see him again. But being the optimist that I am, I expect a positive result.
I do the same thing when I am at an airport. I often have multiple lounges I have access to. So I throw it out there on Grindr and Scruff that I am happy to guest someone in. I tell them that they don’t have to sit with me or chat, just happy to do the favor. Well, they ALWAYS sit and chat with me! I have met so many wonderful people this way. And it’s not just guys through the app. I have met men and women on the Hertz bus or hotel shuttle, and if it seems appropriate I extend the invitation. I love sharing this with everyone, especially newbies! I love seeing them experience it all for the first time. “YOU MEAN THIS IS ALL FREE?!? AS MUCH AS I WANT?!?!”. And like a drug dealer hooking their clients, I create fellow travel dorks. Hong Kong is my favorite place to do this as there are a million lounges I can usually get into. Guesting someone into the Wing or Pier First Class lounge that I just met on Grindr is mind blowing. But then I suggest that we do some lounge hopping. CX has a nice variety of lounges themselves. Qantas has a great lounge in HKG. BA has one too. Then there is the AMEX Centurion Lounge. And the multitude of Priority Pass lounges. It’s hard to leave the Wing, but if you have a long layover, it’s fun to explore. And make new friends.
So in my mildly hung over state in Torremolinos, I met up with Muss at a chiringuito and we had some coffees. He was a very sweet guy and a knowledgeable traveler. He shared some of his experiences in Taipei which I was very interested in because I am there for a week in December. I also really look forward to exploring Morocco more in the future so he shared lots of ideas. We finally made our way out to an umbrella and beach chairs. It was a warm day so the cooling waters of the Med felt great. We talked the whole time. But finally around 3:30 pm, I needed to go grab a bite to eat and take a much needed siesta.
It’s hard to commit to another night of going out after a late Friday night. But David was officially on vacation so we all met up again and had another lovely evening. I really enjoyed getting to know his friend José María who is quite shy at first. But soon enough, he opens up and shares his great spirit. It’s a city counselor in their small village which is an unpaid community service position. I kept making jokes about him being a high powered politician but he was assuring me that it was NOTHING glamorous.
On Sundays in Spain, many things still remain closed. This includes the big grocery stores. I am all for it! We learned in Germany that having things closed makes you enjoy your Sundays more with your family and friends. BUT I was having David and José María over on Monday night for a home cooked meal. And I needed to shop. Luckily I found a Mercadona supermarket that was the exception and was open until 3 pm. I bought all the things I needed for their dinner. This allowed me time on Sunday to do lots of the prep later in the evening.
When I was in Spain last summer, Jorge and I walked by a number of McJamon cafes. They were sort of the Spanish food version of McDonalds. Beer, Spanish ham tapas… They must have gotten sued at some point by their American cousin because they now had the name MG JAMÓN. But the little line on the G was tiny. I honestly didn’t notice it for the longest time. Ronald McDonald might be a clown. But he also has lots of big lawyers who are really concerned about international copyright.
Spanish fast food at McJamon
This month in Torremolinos required me to go tryout McJamón. Unlike most cafes here, you order inside and pay immediately. Then they call out your name when your food is ready. So they cut down the labor costs and are able to offer cheap prices. And I was amazed at the quality. Jorge had assured me that everything was very good and indeed it was. I sat and did my daily writing as I enjoyed a beer, some Ibérico ham, and some aged lamb’s cheese toasts. It beats the heck out of a Happy Meal. Ronaldo McJamon knows what he’s doing.
I loved spending my evening prepping for my second dinner party in Spain. Our first course would be languostinos (large prawns) in Spanish olive oil and garlic. More than once, David and José María told me that they are country boys. They don’t like fancy food. José María doesn’t even like butter, cream, or most cheeses in food. He didn’t grow up with it and has never developed a taste. So I enjoyed the challenge of feeding them food that they would enjoy. I ended up asking lots of questions. I suggested I do a shrimp scampi with butter but they nixed that! Olive oil only. “Somos españoles, joder!” So I removed the shells and heads and prepped the bodies for a nice brine before cooking them the next night. I cooked the removed parts to create a flavorful broth adding wine and fresh thyme. I had lots of langostinos so I made a sample. Delicious.
The Spanish don’t usually eat garlic bread. But EVERYONE loves garlic bread. I made some with butter and some with olive oil. I prepped the sauce for both so that all I had to do was cook it when we were ready.
I purchased a nice piece of beef. Buying meat in foreign countries is always interesting. I do better if I go to a butcher and can have a conversation. But my Sunday Mercadona choices were slim. So I bought a bone in steak of some sort. It wasn’t very marbled but looked good. I salted it and let it dry out in my fridge for a day the way my friend Kenji Lopéz-Alt has taught me. I also bought some pluma Ibérico which is a deliciously tender pork coming from the end of the loin. It is beautifully marbled which gives it such wonderful flavor. The boys from the pueblo would not be leaving hungry.
I also prepped the carrots and made a chimichurri sauce. As I have written, my parents taught my brother and I that entertaining is a wonderful way to create opportunities to deepen relationships. And preparing for a dinner at home is something to be savored. I was in heaven.
The reason I had to shop and prep on Sunday night was that David was fetching me to spend the day visiting his pueblo and other towns near to his home. It was going to be a full day but I wanted to also make them dinner at the end.
So David and José María picked me up at the early hour of 9:30 am. It was an hour journey to cross Malaga and head up into the mountains. We finally arrived at a quaint, little mountain village of Almáchar. Both of them were born there and had lived there their whole lives. The village sat on the side of a mountain and its tiny streets climbed up and down. David said that he usually parks on the main road outside the center and always walks everywhere. Most places are not reachable by car. There is a square and a nearby church helping define the center. A couple of shops are spread out. The post office is open only an hour each day, from 10:30 am - 11:30 am. It really reminded me of my grandmother’s village, Arette, in the Pyrenees Mountains. The church is in the center of town. Everything else spans out from there.
Almachar in the mountains above Malaga
The quiet streets of David and Jose Maria's village
Even a tiny village has a gay pride bench! "Kiss me at this corner!"
David explained that there was a horrible sandy wind that arrived in March from Africa painting all the beautiful white buildings in his village a dirty tan. It happened all over this region. Before it was a source of pride to have all the village painted in white. And now it challenges everyone as they try to afford the paint to return everything to its former glory.
At one point, we arrived at a front door and David announced that his sister lived there. He called at the door. Everyone leaves their front door open in the village and has the hanging beads to keep the flies out. His sisters soon appeared and instantly welcomed us. We sat on the patio and she served us cool water. It was a warm day and we were all thirsty. Then she said she had just made a gazpacho. Would we like to try? It was only about 11:30 in the morning, three hours until lunch. But she was insistent and soon I was enjoying her amazing light and flavorful gazpacho. She served it in a glass with ice. Since she had just made it, it hadn’t had time to cool. It was amazing. Perfectly seasoned and with a freshness that only comes from using recently picked ingredients.
Her daughter was moving to Chicago on Sunday to teach special education and learn English. David summoned Cristina out of bed in order to have her meet me. Such a delight. Her boyfriend also showed up and I got to meet them all. David says that living in the village with all his family means a lot to him. They don’t necessarily have a lot of material things, but he loves spending time with them all.
Soon enough we were saying our goodbyes. I was so happy to meet them. David had told me about them all and I felt privileged that he shared his family with me. We tried to stop in on his nephew and his family but they were out. I loved seeing them both greet everyone as we walked around. The village only had 1800 inhabitants. They know and say hi to everyone.
David drove us next to Frigiliana which has been voted one of the most beautiful villages in Spain. They were hit by the same sand storm but the local government has helped the villagers afford paint as the village depends so much on tourism. So most of the village is a gleaming white like many Mediterranean villages. By this point, the temperature was rising. We were inland and it felt hotter than my coastal town on Torremolinos.
As we walked the streets, we were greeted by one picturesque sight after another. In the center area, it was very touristy with lots of shops and restaurants but still lovely. We walked up and down and around the tiny streets and enjoyed all its beauty. Frigiliana was well worth the heat of midsummer.
Firgiliana - one of Spain's most picturesque villages
David had planned that we would wait to have lunch in Nerja, about 30 minutes away down on the coast. So we drove down with big appetites. The center was a labyrinth of tiny walking streets which luckily provided lots of shade. We arrived at a great place where we could sit outside where we could enjoy the energy of the pedestrians. David and José María did the ordering and we started with some fried eggplant with local honey made from sugar cane. Delicious! Next we had two of my favorites: croquetas and meatballs. More food arrived and soon we were all stuffed. I had tried to negotiate with David ahead of time that I would like to treat them to lunch or fill up his car with gas! He could choose. Unfortunately, I lost on both accounts. They treated me and also wouldn’t let me pay all the gas for the day. Their generosity overwhelmed me. Truly amazing.
We walked out to the Balcony of Europe on a cliff overlooking the surrounding beaches and the Mediterranean. It was a glorious day and we could see forever. We took a picture with a statue of an old Spanish King, Alfonso XIII. I wanted to put my hat on the king as we took a photo with him but they dissuaded me.
The Balcony of Europe in Nerja
Nerja
I look forward to repeating this trip when my brother and his wife visit me in September. I really have been enjoying my time in Southern Spain. When I thought of three months in Europe, I only committed to the first month in Torremolinos. And then I decided that I would visit my brother next in Portugal. But recently, I decided that I wanted more time here so I would be returning to Torremolinos for a month before Europe kicks me out and we head to Egypt.
The decision felt good. I am enjoying my life here. I keep wondering if it is going to get a little quieter at some point. I feel like I am not doing enough reading. I just finished one, single book in the month that I have been here. That only happened because I only read on the elliptical machine at the gym. I haven’t even finished any painting. I started the trip with high hopes that I would be painting every day. Finally I am always behind on my writing. But I am okay with this because I like letting all my experiences settle in a bit before talking about them here in my writing. In the end, I leave feeling like I want to experience more. So another month is now booked. And it feels good.
We drove back to Torremolinos and we all took a nap. David and Jóśe María had been staying at a friend’s flat near me so we enjoyed some quiet time after a day in the heat. This had been a hot day. Leaving the coast made a huge difference. Here, I rarely see the temp get past 85º. And there is always some sort of cooling breeze. I hear that Sevilla was over 100º yesterday. But there, it’s a “dry heat”. Still hot.
I was very excited to have my local boys over for a home cooked meal. David shared that they don’t eat much in the homes of their family and friends. They just always go out. So it was something different for them to be invited in. He kept reminding me to keep it simple.
The evening turned out wonderfully. I really enjoy the intimacy of eating in. In spite of having prepped many things, I still had some cooking to do. So we chatted as I cooked. José María was appointed DJ and had Spotify serving us up a nice variety. Our first course was my version of Gambas Pil-Pil, garlic-chili prawns in olive oil. I served this with the garlic bread that I made from two whole loaves of bread. I am famous for burning the garlic bread. I somehow always forget it as I try to get dinner on the table. So I assigned our DJ to sit in front of the oven and continually watch it. He did a great job. It came out perfectly. He was very proud. They liked the gambas, but the LOVED the garlic bread. In fact at the end of the first course, it was all gone except one piece.
We had a nice pause again between courses so I could cook the steak and pork. The roast carrots and potatoes had just finished. Since the garlic bread had gone down so well, I found more bread and quickly threw it in the oven. Everything finished perfectly except by the time I remembered the second batch of garlic bread, it was black. I kept to tradition and burnt the garlic bread. I hadn’t wanted to interrupt our discussions by asking JM to watch it and now I was paying the price.
Luckily the meats were all perfectly browned and cooked. I had bought lots because I knew they were good eaters. We sat for an hour chatting and slowly eating. They complained about being full but continued to eat until we finished it all. The evening was one of my favorite moments in Spain.
I’m a “do the dishes in the morning” kind of guy. My husband complains most of the time I am in “Mommie Dearest” mode where I love things clean and he fears getting hit with a wire hanger if they aren’t. But when David and José María finally left, I sat on the couch and enjoyed the evening breezes. I love enjoying a quiet moment after entertaining. I witnessed my parents experience this many times. For my father, it meant a moment to sit and have another cigarette. He might have a bourbon too. He and my mom enjoyed these moments together as much as they enjoyed when the people were around. As I got older, I would return home from an evening out and find them in this exact moment. Even on my own, there is something special about processing the evening in a more private manner.
Last summer I approached my 8 week adventure to South Africa and Europe with lots of flexibility. COVID was going strong and regulations were changing daily. For the most part everything worked out. I had backup plans of going to Servia or scuba diving in Egypt for two weeks. But my original plans mostly unfolded the way I had planned.
I didn’t anticipate that COVID would still be an issue a year later. A couple of weeks ago, Singapore canceled my new Suites flight to Hong Kong. And now I received an email that Cathay Pacific had canceled my flight to Taipei. Poor Hong Kong. As of this writing, they still have a 7 day quarantine and it’s killing passenger traffic. So the flights are getting canceled for December. I had hoped that Hong Kong would be open and I could stop off and see friends. But I am giving up on that hope. My thoughts go out to everyone at CX. It’s a disaster for them. My canceled flights are just the tip of the iceberg. This is huge for so many in Hong Kong. I look forward to returning one day after all this is over.
I loved spending a chill day at home doing dishes and working on future travel. I didn’t leave my flat until 9:15 pm and the sun had just set. I took a long walk and enjoyed the summer evening. Torremolinos is a perfect place to do this. I stopped at a new cafe to write and have some yummy tapas.
I did my first round-the-world trip at age 20 during the summer before my senior year of university. A friend and I spent three weeks hosteling through Europe and then moved on to Asia for five weeks. The previous summer I had sung in a concert tour in Moscow, Estonia, Kiev, and Paris. I loved summer traveling but wasn’t the biggest fan of traveling in a group. So the following summer one of my fellow singers and I set out on our own on an amazing trip but no concert performances. Just travel. I learned so much about traveling that summer. The eight week trip took tons of planning. And that useful tool called “the internet” hadn’t been invented yet in 1987 so we bought travel books and talked to people. The highlight of the trip was to spend three weeks in China. Tourism in China was just starting for westerners. The bible of travel there was the Lonely Planet book that gave some ideas on how to make it work. Another big resource was a hostel on Nathan Rd in Kowloon, Hong Kong. It was the launching point for budget travelers into China. I remember talking to so many travelers there who had recently returned from the middle country. It was a great way to experience the world. I always recommend that new travelers stay in hostels to meet people and exchange ideas and experiences.
Now I am a bitter, jaded, old queen that likes First Class and five star hotels. But in my youth, hostels were exciting. They opened the world to two, poor college students.
Malaga’s mayor transformed his city from an industrial town to a city of museums. There are now 30 new museums due largely to his influence. So I was long overdue for a museum day.
I decided I wanted a day in Malaga to explore some of its many museums. The internet has changed access to information for planning travel. Prior to my morning departure, I researched taking the bus, I bought a ticket for the bus on my phone, booked a time and bought my ticket to the Museum Picasso, downloaded the museum app and the complete audio guide, found a place for ramen… I am a planner and love organizing my day’s excursion.
I loved the bus ride into the center of Malaga. The bus had wonderful air conditioning, much better than the train. I also enjoyed seeing all the morning sights. I arrived a bit early before my scheduled entrance so I enjoyed a nice coffee nearby. I love cafe living. It’s the best part of arriving early. And I think my cafe con leche con un vaso de hielo was €1.50!
A Malagueño cafe con leche
Pablo Picasso was born in Malaga so it is a fitting setting for a museum in his honor. His grandkids donated lots of wonderful original pieces. I really enjoyed seeing everything. I also much preferred using my own headphones and phone instead of holding a museum device to my ear. I wish every museum offered this option.
The streets of Malaga
Back at work in San Francisco, I would go out to lunch each day. At least once a week, I would have ramen. I had a fantastic place near my work. I would enter and they wouldn’t even bother giving me a menu; they knew why I was there.. Spicy black miso ramen would just appear at some point and I would be happy. I looked for ramen in Torremolinos but couldn’t find what I was looking for. So I found a place called Udon that had ramen on the menu according to the internet.
Well, unfortunately, I should have stuck with Spanish food. Spaghetti noodles in a chicken broth with some pork bits didn’t exactly meet my expectations of pork tonkatsu ramen. I will hopefully be in Japan this December if they let me in. I will get my fill of ramen then.
In the afternoon, I visited the Museo Carmen Thyssen. I hadn’t pre booked a ticket because I was unsure I would make it there. So I simply asked for an entrance ticket at the main counter. MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, she charged me for a senior citizen ticket at only €6! DID I LOOK 65 YEARS OLD?!?!? My bruised ego and I entered the museum and enjoyed the art of 19th-century Spanish paintings. While it’s a small museum, it was worth the visit. I noticed that the museum restaurant even had a Menú del Día for only €12! I should have eaten there.
SERIOUSLY??? Do I look 65 years old??!?
I took the train back to Torremolinos stopping along the way at the outlet shopping center, Plaza Mayor. I had been trying to find a white long sleeved swim shirt to use while paddle surfing. But I didn’t find anything close. I hate shopping and soon was back in Torremolinos.
I got home and read yet another article on the monkey pox issue. This is getting serious. Spain has the second highest number of cases after the US. And it doubled in the past month. Ugh. Last summer I was battling COVID issues. And now this summer monkey pox is causing me to be cautious. And I hear from friends that the sores are EXTREMELY painful. The last thing I need is to be quarantining for three weeks. I leave for my brother’s in Portugal soon. And we have lots of plans. I don’t want monkey pox to mess up all my plans. I will have a better understanding of the state of monkey pox once I return to Torremolinos in a month. But I fear this is just getting worse. Much worse.
That evening Spanish TV aired a show "Toda La Costa" (All about the coast). Earlier in the month, TV cameras caught Jorge and me at the gay chiringuito watching a drag show. Well Jorge and I did end up in the broadcast. Here's a screenshot of our moment.
Spanish TV with Jorge and me on the left!
On my last final day in Torremolinos, I spent the morning packing. I wore about 20% of the clothes I brought with me. I traveled with two 32 kg checked bags from San Francisco. My plan all along was to leave one of my bags with my brother. So it’s going to be fun reducing down. Do I really need two winter jackets? And 12 pairs of pants?
The joys of packing
As I packed I tried packing my black bag with all the things that I would be traveling with for the rest of the year. Then I put everything else in the purple bag that I would leave with my brother. It was an interesting exercise. Unfortunately, I would find out later that packing this way was a HORRIBLE MISTAKE.
By noon, I was mostly packed. I was really scared that my bags would would be over the 32 kg per bag limit. I could still lift each bag so I figured they were okay.
I looked at both menús of the nearby restaurants for my last lunch. Today Gran Cafe Quinto Pinos won with its offering of soup, Secreto Ibérico, bread, and a glass of wine. I even had a lovely melon as my postre. A bargain at €9.
My last lunch in Torremolinos for this visit
I went home after and took my traditional nap. I was slowly winding things down. Friends were texting to meet for dinner but I had an early morning so I needed to be in bed by 10 pm. Instead, I took a long walk and spent some time at my Bar Jerez writing. Of course some octopus in vinegar and gambas pil-pil helped keep my beer and me happy. After a month of The Sabbatical, I was a seasoned cafe writer. People see me alone writing and often will ask if I’m a writer. Am I a writer? It’s not my profession in the least. My husband is the professional writer in our family. He has been a paid writer for his whole his life. Peg Bundy didn’t think up all those funny lines herself! In fact on the 11th season of Married…With Children, Katey Sagal told the writers that she didn’t want to learn too much blocking so, when possible, please write her lines to be delivered from their iconic couch. Of course, once when I was visiting for a taping, Terry and I took a Peg and Al style picture on “the couch”.
So this year I guess I am a writer. I am documenting my life, my thoughts, and my journey. As month one comes to a close, I can say that it’s not exactly what I thought it would be like. I am busier than I would have ever expected. I led a busy life back in San Francisco. So why should it be any different here. But I wonder if I am journeying enough? Am I pushing myself enough? Am I exploring and reflecting enough? I don’t feel that I am.
The first month has been about getting my sabbatical sea legs. There is no rule book guiding me. Terry and I are trying to figure out how much space we should offer to each other. I expected to miss him. We are apart. It’s natural.
But when I am talking to friends or FaceTiming, there is a common theme that they all report how happy I seem. I am beaming. And relaxed. My friends are noticing a difference.
My husband deals with chronic depression. It makes his life so different from mine. I am the eternal optimist. Always perky. Always excited about the coming of a new day. Luckily he has the benefit of lithium. And also the benefit of the best antidepressant, going jogging. The problem is he doesn’t jog everyday. And the lithium doesn’t always make him feel okay. Some days the depression wins. Those are hard for him. And they are hard for me. Winnie The Pooh has his friend Eeyore who seems to struggle with depression. Pooh is a supportive friend and they navigate life in the Hundred Acre Wood together and with a community of others. Pooh and I have a lot in common.
This first month of The Sabbatical has shown me there is a significant weight on me from Terry’s depression. I have realized this before. But I was not able to judge how heavy that weight feels. With a month apart, I am different. I am lighter. But I am worried of course. I hope Terry is okay. I hope that he is dealing with his family. I hope that he is figuring out his pathway without feeling overwhelmed. Part of my journey is to allow him room to be okay and to not be okay. But I am not his key support for now.
I am also feeling some healing a month into my journey. I left my job in Silicon Valley during COVID. I was broken. I knew it wasn’t sustainable. But I kept it for a variety of complicated reasons that I am finally dealing with. But the result was I left my 8 years there in a sensitive state. For the next two years, I have been working with the Quakers who are very different than the folks in Silicon Valley. The healing began with the first meeting where we began with a moment of silence. What a wonderful moment it was that allowed us all to walk into the light and come together. I learned so much from the Quakers during our time together.
But this past month has also helped me heal from my eight years in Palo Alto. The decision to retire was one I thought long and hard about. Most of the world sees me as ridiculously young to retire. But I think it was the correct thing for me to do. This past month, I focused on myself more than on anyone else. I did not focus on my husband. I did not focus on my son. I did not focus on my close friends.
I have been focused this month on myself. And I feel more healed now than I have in many years. It feels good. It feels correct. It has also helped me return to feeling more optimistic. And that is what I think my friends are seeing. Hearing their feedback is a useful perspective.
So lots of good things happened this first month. Tomorrow I get on a plane and fly to Portugal for month two. I can’t believe I am already a month into this experiment. I expect month two to be very different than month one. But I am excited. The journey has offered me so much so far. I am excited to see what happens next.
