Episode 9, wherein cardboard and tapes saves the optimist; wherein steamy windows are the wrong kind but the endgame fantasy is pretty hot.


Almost all of may 2014 is spent on the ground. And I guess it is a good thing because at home a kitchen renovation is going on. I manage to lay new floorboards and get all new kitchen appliances delivered and am just waiting for the actual kitchen cupboards and the hired carpenter to arrive to finish it up.

But as mentioned in E08, there are some segments left from last trip and of course they are stitched up with some new ones. End of may is reserved for a 6 day trip. The route is CPH-HEL-PRG-HEL-HKG-CAN-HKG-HEL-CPH giving me 3 nights in Hong Kong and 13 hours (!) at the destination Canton...
The Canton add-on to the trip is actually vital and what provides me motivation to travel - I am supposed to pick some stuff up from the expat-apartment.
The position to PRG is courtesy of not one but two left-overs from that Japan-trip in episode 8, so this is 3 different AY tickets interleaved, with a KA ticket as icing on the cake.

Hong Kong is as always good to me. Finnair less so, as they lose my bag. Well, I can't be overly upset by this, as the optimism of me and the check-in agent in CPH clearly wasn't compatible with reality. To state the facts again, I am flying CPH-HKG via HEL, PRG and HEL again on 3 separate AY tickets, with PRG as same-plane-turnaround. You need to be an decent optimist to check a bag under those conditions.

I think I've told this story before. to the best of my recollection, the dialogue at check-in CPH goes like this:

- My itinerary today is a bit complicated, with several reservations. But I want the bag to go to final destination HKG.
Agent is happy to help and gets to the task with optimism. He battles the system for a while and I can already tell it looks bad. I decide to give him some hints.
- Yeah, I am worried about the bag, maybe you can tag it so it goes straight onto AY69 tonight, and not on my side-trip?

Agent checks the system again but "computer says no".
- Can't do that, it seems your bag must folllow you at all times.
- Really?! I get that a bag can't be loaded onto a plane where I am not flying, but here the bag just stays put in HEL for a few hours. That can't be a problem?
- Sorry, bag must follow at all times.

Not convinced, but anxious to find a solution, I move on to
- How about you just check the bag to HEL and I claim it and re-check it to HKG from there?
- I don't think they will allow it as the ticket starts in PRG. But maybe you can claim the bag in PRG and re-check it from there?
- No no no, not possible. There is only 45 minutes between planes, bag drop will be closed before bags are offloaded.

Now he starts to realise it is the same plane flying HEL-PRG as PRG-HEL. He clearly is an optimist, he finds this to be the solution:
- But hey, maybe [hacking away on terminal] that is the solution ..[hackety-hack]. If I can get this ..[hackety-hack].. to work and also .. [hackety-hack].. this .. [hackety-hack].. then .. [hackety-hack]., yeah I think I got it!

He tags the bag with the full itin, HEL-PRG-HEL-HKG and hands me the bag receipt with a final instruction:
- Yeah, I managed to tag the bag on all flights despite the different reservations and I put some comments into the system. All you now need to to is contact ground crew i HEL and tell them to put the bag in a special compartment in the plane so it won't get offloaded in PRG.

Yikes, he is even a bigger optimist than me. With a fair share of doubt in the voice I ask
- So I just tell someone in HEL that they should not offload the bag in PRG?!
- Yeah yeah, I've put the instruction in the system too, so it should work!

The end result of course is that the bag was off-loaded in PRG. Oh the irony that a bag can stay in PRG when I fly to HEL when it absolutely can't be allowed to stay at HEL while I fly to PRG...

It certainly was worth a try, but perhaps we can all sense the reason why Finnair halted check-to-final on multiple tickets...


I've chosen the "Central Mini Hotel" with tiny rooms but it looks decent enough in the pictures. And it is just a short walk from Central MRT. Well, yeah, a short walk on the map, but the climb is a killer. Especially today, as the weather is hot and humid.




Hot and sweaty I wiggle myself into the room and prepare to enjoy the views from the bed/bathroom. Quickly realising there is no view. OK, there is a view, I just need to dry some water off the windows. Then I realise every surface of the room is covered with water drops. All the so called "aircondition" does is pumping around hot and humid air, which immediately condensates on any surface.
I use a bath towel to dry some, but it fogs up soon again.

From my window I can see the stately house of the Foreign Correspondents' Club, and while I don't have access I can always fake it for laughs. I do a social media location check-in and pretend to have drinks and conversations with some entitled media dudes, and gets some awe from clue-less colleagues back home.

I can't stand the room more than half an hour or so, and I go out for my usual rounds.


After two nights, I head for the airport to do my not-so-quick turn-around HKG-CAN-HKG.
This route is mainly targeted at rich Cantonese people wanting to spend a day of shopping and pleasures in Hong Kong and thus it has has 2 daily flights; One early in the morning and one late in the evening. Flying the other way, to CAN for the day as I am doing today, has less demand so the price is pretty good and the cabins are sparsely occupied. The downside is of course there are no other flights during the day, so I'll get a 13 hour turn-around in Canton.

This long layover made sure I had plenty of time to go into the city to pick up the stuff. But I just wasn't very keen on riding the bus for 2 hours each way to the free trade area in the Xiagang neighbourhood, so when it was suggested someone could bring the stuff to the airport I jumped at it.
It actually is grand-dad who is on transport duty today and now I only need to locate him landside. This is done through some consultations with my partner back home, as she can relay my position to him via Chinese social media.

OK, now I see him, so I guess we can hang up now, no more need for the help line? Nope, because grand-dad brought his lady-friend (≠ grand-mom) to the airport which bugs the hell out of my partner and they decide to have a family quarrel right then and there on my phone.
15 minutes later I get my phone back and before I hurry to end the call to save my international phone bill, I get some very specific instructions to ostracize grand-dad and lady-friend as revenge. I reply
- Of course I will darling, knowing I am in a win-win-situation here because I was planning on dumping them anyway for a quiet day in the lounge!

In traditional Chinese manner, the stuff isn't really packed. In all fairness, I was supposed to repack as much as possible into the suitcase which is now in captivity in PRG. But still, how to check-in stuff in totebags and worn cardboard boxes? Problem solving to the rescue. Grand-dad leads us on to the wrapper service in international departure where they mostly just wrap some plastic foil around international travellers expensive suitcases.
Grand-dad is not impressed by the service, and so we head over to domestic departure where they are much more in tune with our needs and provides cardboard boxes and what-nots. So we fill the boxes up and get them taped, strapped and wrapped. The service even create some carrying handles on the boxes, turning them into perfect poor-man's suitcases.

Very satisfied with ourselves, we head back for international. (By international I of course mean "domestic destinations that only foreigners think are outside China").

Uh-oh, trouble in paradise.
While Canton Baiyun is a huge 24/7 airport, CX/KA is a minor airline here and without partners they do not have an all-day check-in. Grand-dad takes the lead again and simply goes past the entire line to the counter next to the closed CX/KA desk. They politely refuse. Grand-dad impolitely disagrees with them. At this point, I really wished there were hedges at airports.
https://media.giphy.com/media/SVnVbQAMtTXJm/giphy.gif


Strangely enough, China Eastern (or whatever airline the desk belongs to) do not budge. Grand-dad is really upset. Why are they so stubborn when they easily just could put the boxes on that belt we all clearly see behind the desks? All desks share the same belt, and it clearly takes the bags to the airplanes, right?
I quickly realise I need to distract him from trying his ideas at more desks, and suggests we should go get something to eat.
I succeed, which still today surprise me as we do not share a common language.

On the bottom floor is a McDonald's that doesn't smell good but we chose it and I get a hamburger of some sort. Grand-dad and lady-friend don't get anything, and we all sit there for an awkward meal. I am trying to tell them they don't need to accompany me any more. The check-in won't open for many hours and when it does I will be able to handle it.
But they stick around.
I try to shake them off in the terminal but no dice. I have to resort to my helpline. I call home, and ask for translation services. They still don't want to leave.

- But there is nothing more they can do for me, I say multiple times. Now the only thing left is to wait.
And finally I get the message through and I am alone.

Now I just have to kill some 7-8 hours. I sit down and it is pretty boring. I soon regret getting rid of the company. Also, I start to feel pretty sleepy. I even nod away a bit and immediately realises I can't sleep here, with my boxes on the trolley. Hm, let's see if there is a luggage storage.

I circle the departures hall. No luck. But maybe there is a day-room? Yes, there seems to be one, but off the premises and I can't tell how much it is and how far away it is. As I don't want to be taken for a ride (in all meanings) I stay inside and circle the building again. I realise I can walk around to stay awake and kill time. Departures hall is a rectangle shaped building, maybe 300m x 200m, and if I walk slowly it takes 10-15 minutes to complete a lap. So 30 slow laps and check-in might be open!
Around 10 laps later it seems my calculation won't hold - nowhere near the estimated time has passed. I sit down again until I feel sleepy and the do some laps again.

If I was to list my most meaningless moments in life, this would easily make it into the top-5. I have no idea how I managed to pass all the time, but somehow I did. Some detours to food area, where McD still stunk, helped break the boring routine. By the way, that hamburger is starting to riot in the belly, so quite some trips to the toilet area also help me kill time. Jeez, these are most certainly not the moments making me love travel.

The night has fallen and I am now first in line, in the priority line and man do I love to see a Dragon Air official! Not only does she open a few minutes early, she is also su-u-u-uper nice and helpful.

As I hand over the travel details and dump the cardboard boxes on the scale, she asks
- Maybe you have a connecting flight in Hong Kong?
- Yeah, I do, but it is on Finnair and so on a separate ticket, I modestly reply, so I wasn't sure you could do that check-in too
- Tsk tsk, I will gladly help you with that, what is the booking ref?

I have my little binder with flight details at hand, so I find it and hand it over, just to realise... :
- But it actually is something like 25 hours between the flights, so...
- Don't you worry about a thing, Hong Kong airport can handle that! You are sure you don't need anything from the ... bags, sir?
- No no no, I laugh, it will be perfect if "the bags" goes directly to Copenhagen!

I am still to this day in love with this humble servant of DragonAir!


At the exit control, the immigration officer reacts.
- This is wrong, he says and points at the arrival date on the exit card. You wrote today's date!
- But I arrived today, says I and point at the stamp in the passport.
- You have stayed in China for zero days?!
I want to reply something witty like "Yeah, so I clearly haven't overstayed my visa!", but end up with the safe reply
- Yeah, I was only here to pick up some goods.

It is past midnight when I arrive back at the hotel in Central. Night life is lively and while it is tempting, I refrain from (both real and fake) check ins at any clubs and just head for my steam room on 4th floor of mini hotel. A night of sweating between the sheets awaits me. And not the good kind.

I wake up to some good news. My bag has arrived. I wheel it down to central and check it in.


The perfect thing with Finnair AY70 is the midnight departure. Because regardless when you check-out of your hotel you'll have ample time at the airport lounges! I get some champagne and ask for a Cabana and soon I am cleansing myself from all the dread and horror of the trip. This is redemption.




As the bubbles, those in the glass and those in the tub, work their magic on me, I even start to dream some new travel fantasies. Could I possibly get Miss Sling to Hong Kong and treat her some luxury courtesy the Wing? Or better yet, that fantasy with a bit of re-enactment of 'James Bond - Die Another Day' where we turn up at the luxury hotel and have a tailor sent to the room to get us properly dressed for a night on the town?

Damn, that is some good bubbles. I have time to get a refill while I wait for my pants to get ironed.