Wow awesome review, and THANKS because I was procrastinating on writing my detailed review of a 5-night stay the week before you were there (April 5-10).
I won't contradict anything you said, maybe clarify some things and also add our experiences:
** per some questions above, you CAN'T see into the shower or toilet areas from the room. If you're staying with friends who are in the soaking tub on the balcony at exactly the same time you're showering, then you need to pull the shades; otherwise, it's not an issue and you're worrying too much.
** checked in as a Diamond and got lucky with a nice upgrade: a "Jungle View" suite, second floor, from which you could see through/over the trees some glimpses of ocean, since it faces the ocean but they didn't cut down all the trees. Only 3rd floor is likely a true "Ocean View" but we preferred the suite over a view! Rooms are lots of black marble/black tile, very nicely appointed, nice furnishings. The room was huge, with two full balconies (one with a full sofa, one with a smaller sofa and a soaking tub). It had a 6-person full dining table, and one room had a couch with TV, the other had a couch and a King bed. Fantastic. Priced the room on day of arrival; US$8700 for 5 nights, and we were on points. Nice!
**Totally concur about the seaweed. Not a Conrad issue, but a Riviera Maya issue. Conrad doing its best to remove dump truck after dump truck of seaweed every day, but it was still there. Actually, we did swim every day as the seaweed is generally on the shore and not much was floating. But most people stuck to the very nice pools.
**loved the water bottle filling stations and ice machines located at the middle, first floor, of all buildings.
**We used the bikes to get to/from the main building many times; more bikes would be great but at least 75% of the time there was one when we needed one.
** one of the nicest hotel gyms you'll find; great morning classes-- took spin class one day and a core class another day. Taught at a level that anyone can get a good workout, from moderate to advanced. Disappointed that the AM yoga classes were cancelled the whole week we were there; seems to depend on staffing and which teachers are there.
**breakfast was fantastic, though not super quick; that surely didn't bother us since we were there to relax and have multiple cups of coffee and make our way through the awesome food stations at every breakfast. Avocado toast, chilaquiles, sopes, 15 kinds of fresh fruit, waffles, omelets, etc,-- all made to order. Much, much better than an all inclusive, but yes you have to pay if you're not a Diamond. Don't even know how much it was.
** we had a rental car and the valet was always quick and friendly, even with our cheap tiny rental sedan (compared to the gorgeous SUVs they were likely used to). And that follows with every staff member we came across-- friendly, gentle, easy going, and mostly on top of things. Definitely some hiccups but a very nice stay.
** we used the bikes to ride around the grounds and check out the Hilton, which wasn't open yet; there were hundreds of workers still putting on the finishing touches. The Conrad has NO rooms that face the back of the property; all face the oceanside, but some are called "jungle view" because they face the trees that face the ocean. The Hilton has hundreds of rooms facing inland, so I'd be more careful about which room type I'm booking there.
** nature is around, but not a ton of it. One way to know it's still full of nature was when I noticed something black crawling across the black tile floor one morning.... an alecran, cousin of the scorpion! Staff came immediately to remove it, but we'd already gotten it inside a trash can and thrown it off the balcony. One morning while walking to the beach along the shaded pathways in front of the building (between most of the buildings and the ocean is a lovely shaded path) we happened upon a huge, red-plumed, woodpecker that was just stunning. Lots of other birds, too.
** Before we arrived at the Conrad, we had rented a car at CUN airport upon arrival instead of staying in the touristy areas-- and drove to Piste, the town next to Chichen-Itza pyramids, spent two nights there, and then two nights in Valladolid, a cute colonial city, both less than 2 hours from the Conrad.
We loved our rural, local experiences, as well as the stunning pyramids and cenotes!-- before spending 5 nights at the very upscale Conrad. If you have any questions about seeing the other side of the touristy Riviera Maya, PM me.
** Agree on the Tulum Ruins-- GO EARLY because you will be in a huge line if you go later in the day, and while they are cool and impressive, going early avoids more of the crowds, lines, and vendors that can make the experience less than magical. Oh and since the Conrad breakfast goes till noon, you can even go out for some quick morning excursions and be back for a late breakfast!