Over the past year, for the first time, I have flown with children who have diagnosed invisible disabilities. If you know what that means then you won't require an explanation, but for the benefit of search engines I will mention specifically neurological conditions such as ADD, ADHD, autism (inc. Asperger's), depression (inc. bipolar, schizophrenia, etc), learning difficulties, OCD, and personality disorders. 'Invisible disabilities' is a broad term which equally includes a range of both neurological and physical disabilities so that short list is not exhaustive. With around 15% of children in England having some form of Special Education Need (SEN), this club is by no means exclusive.

In the absence of anything else more formally defined on this forum, I offer the following as nothing more factual or reliable than my own meandering experience in assisting children with neurological conditions during a handful of short and long-haul flights. Treat nothing below as gospel truth: everyone is different, with different needs, so you may find some, all, or none of the following to be useful to you. YMMV.

If this does not apply to you or your children, please be gentle in the comments. And, more so, when you see those to whom it does apply. That disobedient brat causing a scene may well be completely petrified by the whole experience, utterly overwhelmed and in a state of anxious distress. Frightened people are not entirely in control of themselves so remonstrating either with them or their parents will simply make it worse. Most likely for you.

Conversely, if you do end up being that poor parent on the receiving end of a stranger's over-inflated sense of entitlement, try to remember that there was a time when you too didn't understand invisible disabilities either.

Do you really need to go?

This is a deeply unpleasant question to ask. When people are constantly and correctly told that their condition shouldn't hold them back, to consider the opposite view may feel wrong. But be realistic: you know the children in your care well enough to understand whether the benefits of travel outweigh the potential pitfalls. Yes, you may be able to survive the flights, the airports, and the transport at either end, but basic survival is a long way from enjoyment.

Consider how you will cope if and when things go wrong. Jetlag, transfer disappearances, public transport delays, aircraft-gone-tech, airport meltdowns, IT failures ... the fear of the child's reaction to these might not necessarily stop you flying but you should be ready for them in advance.

If you're a parent who is still at the stage of being bothered by strangers staring at your invisibly-disabled child when that child is struggling, resenting the judgement and lack of empathy, this may unfortunately apply to you. Fortunately, I am reliably informed that this phase will eventually pass such that you will be able to focus on the needs of the child and not give two hoots about the irrelevant stranger.

Aim for a premium cabin, but don't necessarily expect to enjoy it (though you might)

Some people may disagree with the concept of children in a premium cabin, irrespective of their specific needs. I respectfully invite them to click here to engage with those who have come before them. But not on this thread.

The reason why people fly business class is because they prefer extra space and reduced stress. If you have the money or Avios, the reason why you should consider business class for children with SEN is because you need extra space and reduced stress (the latter especially may be starting from a very high base).

Fast Track security, if you don't already get it with status, may be helpful for children who struggle with waiting or queuing. Extra luggage allowance gives you the flexibility to bring those items that you probably won't need but possibly may find essential. Lounges are usually calmer inside than out. More space in the cabin may reduce anxiety.

If SH / CE, you may fold the centre table down and put a child in the middle so they have more personal space and it matters less if they kick the (empty) seat in front. If LH / CW, the centre-rear seats of old CW create a great personal area - although I suspect this no longer applies in CWS. But even moving from your usual Economy to a larger Premium Economy seat may help.

IMHO, flying in F would be an unnecessary extravagance as you're unlikely to be able to make the most of the benefits. However, as with everything else on this post, YMMV.

Call the BA Accessibility Team

https://www.britishairways.com/en-gb...est-assistance

These guys are fantastic. Even if you and your child are perfectly mobile and don't require any help moving around the airport terminal or with boarding, there's no harm in speaking to them just to talk through your concerns. They have a wealth of experience in this area and may be able to arrange some help or simply offer useful advice.

If you haven't already got a sunflower lanyard and the person concerned genuinely deserves one, they are available at LHR and other airports. Just don't expect any special treatment. It is not a Blue Badge and the most you can hope is that an informed member of staff does something for you in the background without you realising it has happened.

Plan everything, but be flexible

Even - or especially - if you're a FF, take the time to write down a rough schedule so you know what should happen and when. Some children appreciate a visual timetable with pictures of the airport, bag drop, security, etc. If you do that, consider not writing down specific times for each stage if the child is likely to get anxious that you are 'late' for the next step.

Leave extra time, more so if you're a FF

If you're used to arriving at T-1 with only a carry-on, breezing through Fast Track and grabbing a quick bite in the lounge before arriving at the gate just as boarding starts ... forget it. That is a different world. Your group is only as experienced as the least experienced member.

Start by adding an hour to your arrival time. It says two hours before departure? Make it three. If the worst happens and you get through security quickly, an airport terminal (usually) has a lot to look at. Maybe let the child lead you around as they explore; you might find a part of the building you never knew existed! Or, if they're overwhelmed by the sensory input, find somewhere quiet. The BA T5 lounges, for instance, have dedicated children's areas which are usually (although not always) fairly calm. Extra time gives you extra flexibility.

One facility which may-or-may-not be useful to you is BA's Overnight Check-in (LHR T5 only?), where you can drop your bags the evening before for flights the next morning, leaving you one less thing to do on the day. Obviously, you are then subject to liquid and carry-on restrictions but arriving at T5 and going straight to security may help reduce your flight day workload / the child's flight day anxiety.

Involve them

Exactly how much you involve the children, and what responsibilities you give them, is very much a personal and subjective opinion. Looking after the passports and boarding passes might be too risky. Asking them to read and record the weight of the suitcases ("to help when we come back") could be better. If they are of reading age, asking them to look for the signpost to the next stage on the visual timetable could work if you think that they are unlikely to get anxious if they can't find it.

No-one likes being led around like a pet, and children with added extras are no exception. If they feel part of the process, they may resent it less or even enjoy it. It may also help to give them a focus of responsibility so they are less aware of the anxiety-provoking busyness around them.

Sleeping aids (for them)

Whether or not to give your child something to help them sleep is an entirely personal decision and outside the scope of this thread. Again, if you've got strong feelings on the subject, click here.

For any parent, the decision might be a trade-off between not wanting to feed them drugs vs keeping them calm and out of distress. It is therefore perfectly reasonable for the parent of a neurotypical child to make a decision one way, and the parent of a child with anxiety caused by their neurodiversity to make a different choice. With parenting in general and SEN in particular, one size does not fit all.

If you do decide that their interests are best served by encouraging them to sleep, do not give them anything in the air you haven't first tested on the ground. 7 miles up is not the place to have an unpleasant reaction.

Sleeping aids (for you)

It shouldn't need to be said but I'll say it anyway: be extra careful with alcohol. You need both to be in control and be seen to be in control. You may be exceptionally stressed already, but as much as we are conditioned to believe that alcohol relaxes us, in fact the opposite is true. Ditto sleep. A couple of glasses is fine but unlike almost every other pax on the flight, you are on duty. Save it for your destination.

That said...

As much as possible, try to relax

This is not always easy. You could be working harder than anyone else in the cabin, perhaps even including the crew, but in amongst the chaos there will be moments where the child is quiet and undemanding. Maybe they'll stare out of the window at the clouds or just become engrossed in a screen. Breathe, take stock, eat something, prepare for the next step. Both chaos and serenity will eventually give way to the other.

I hope this is helpful to someone. As I've said before: YMMV. Because if you are travelling with a neurodiverse child then Your Mileage Has Already Varied in many challenging but hopefully joyful ways.

Good luck.