I introduce Mrs. Paris to the friend from Houston whom I have met but Mrs. Paris has not and there are hugs and kisses all around and we are introduced to young, eager Edgar, our attractive and personable taxi driver. Then we are told the tale of the hired car fiasco.

Let me just say this before retelling the tale of the hired car fiasco…Puerto Vallarta is a beautiful city full of charming, smiling people, drop dead views of ocean and mountain, and narrow winding cobblestone streets that just beg to be wandered down. But God All Mighty, the entire town is a front for aggressive time-share salespeople, who from henceforth shall be referred to as SHARKS.

We had already dabbled our toes in the Shark Tank and didn’t even know it…it was the line of semi-official looking gentlemen just outside of Customs. They are directing you to a desk where you will be offered a ride to your hotel that, by the way, involves a 3-hour drive out to somewhere and a high-pressure Shark Attack to purchase a condo in the sun for 2 weeks a year at more than reasonable prices if you don’t consider the interest rate and other fees they will stick on.

So, back to the hired car fiasco tale. Seems the hotel, in saying they would be more than happy to pick us up, had the same sort of arrangement. Our 30-minute ride from the airport to the Playa Del Sol would have involved a side trip to their newest property and a swim in the Shark Tank before delivering us to our proper destination. So my dear friend said not just “No” but “Hell No” and went outside, found young, eager Edgar and his air-conditioned taxi and they came over to fetch us on their own. They had evidently nearly experienced the same thing on their arrival and it was only after some stern words and a slap to the back of the driver's head that they avoided being thrown in the Shark Tank prior to being delivered to their proper destination and did not want that to be our first experience in PVR.

Thanks, indeed!

We wound through Puerto Vallarta and finally pulled up in front of the Playa Del Sol and then went up to the condo and upon entering, we were greeted with floor to ceiling windows on 2 sides of the lovely bi-level living room and views that were just to die for. Every morning and every evening for the next 3 days I would just stand for 5 minutes and take it all in.

Lovely, absolutely lovely.

We put our things down and then of course, had to head out immediately for a margarita and lunch at the lovely beach restaurant El Dorado which is just a short walk down the sand from our condo.

We enter the El Dorado and are greeted like family because, of course, my dear friends have been here every day during their time in PVR and have the charming waiters and other staff wrapped around their fingers. We are escorted to a beach front table and I order my first of way too many margaritas while in Mexico and Mrs. Paris does the same only she will show way more restraint than I in the long-run.

It seems everyone in Puerto Vallarta is trying to sell you something…the Sharks are selling time shares, the little guys on the street corners are selling lunch cruises on the tourist boats and here, it is the beach vendors who are bringing their wares right up to your table and trying to get you to buy beaded necklaces, henna tattoos, hats, dolls, wood carvings, rugs, ceramics, and caftans which Mrs. Paris decided she wanted and refused to barter so paid full price which I tried to tell her would insult the vendor but she insisted.

Our much more experienced friends tell us this is the best way to shop because the stuff parading by here is the same as in all the stalls in the markets in town but there it is hot and here we can sit under the palapa and sip on margaritas while picking out refrigerator magnets to remember it all by.

Delightful.

We enjoyed a lovely lunch and I picked up the tab and tipped generously and the waiter actually came up, informed me that I had “taken care of him very well” and he gave me a card for a free round of drinks on our next visit.

Like we wouldn’t have been back, anyway!

We walked from the El Dorado back to our hotel on the street side so we could stop and exchange some currency and drop by the little grocery to pick up some essentials for the evening…tonic water, vodka, limes, chips, and bottled water.

It was beginning to dawn on me that PVR is HOT and HUMID…very humid in fact and I spent nearly our entire six days either sweating or in air conditioning. I am genetically predisposed to sweating anyway and I took that bodily function to new heights during my stay here.

We settled in to the condo and watched the sun set and Mrs. Paris and I started to feel our early morning awaking and day of travel begin to take its toll. But then, my dear friend remembered that last Wednesday night there was some kind of function at the bar called The Blue Chairs on top of the condo building next door. We hung over the balcony and looked and sure enough, the lights were on and the music was blaring so we decided that we would go check it out. Mrs. Paris and my friend from Houston decided to stay behind so my dear friend and I headed out.

Now, here I have to make a little side note. If you have read the “Great Hong Kong Wing Ding” trip report here on Flyertalk, you know that my dear friend and I never just go to check out a bar…we go and end up closing the bar…so I left the condo knowing full well that in fact we would not be “back in a little while."

We headed out into the hot and humid night and whipped right into the lobby of the condo next door. I inquired how to get upstairs and with a bit of a wink from the desk agent, we were informed to just get on the elevator and push the button with the “symbol” on it.

So we did and then we burst out on the roof of the condo tower, which turns out to be an open-air gay bar with a drag queen show going on. We take seats at the bar and it turns out that it is one of the drag queen’s birthday, so we are treated to a lovely slice of mocha cake and we applaud enthusiastically after every show tune and then the lights all come up and the place is closing.

We’ve done it again.

We head back down stairs and some very nice gentlemen are lounging in the lobby and we share a word or two then we inquire where should we go now and they recommend Garbo’s which they say is just down the street and around the corner.

It isn’t that late but I am exhausted but I say let’s go for it so we head down the cobblestones and stop into the Hotel Tropicana to clarify directions and I use the facilities then we walk up, turn the corner and find a lovely bar, nicely lit in reds and we sit at the bar and order crab cakes and beverages of our choice and just chat the night away.

Only the next day, when we are walking to do some shopping do we realize we actually ended up in the Kit Kat Klub. Garbo’s was another 3 doors down and it too, looked lovely.

Thursday, September 30, 2004...Shopping, Mexican Kitties, and a Sunset Dinner

I woke early and watched the sky lighten with sunrise then dozed back off…until I smelled coffee and we finally got moving and walked down the cobblestones to shop. I stopped into a Pharmacia to check out the Viagra but Mrs. Paris gave me a look so I settled for some sunscreen instead. It was already getting hot and humid so we decided on an early lunch at the River Café. I have heard many tales of the River Café over the years from my dear friend including this past New Year’s Eve with front-row seats for Willie and Lobo, the resident musicians (who unfortunately were not playing while we were in PVR).

We found a table under a fan and enjoyed a lovely lunch. Mrs. Paris settled for enchiladas with a very exotic filling, which we finally figured out, was the fungus that grows on rotting corn.

That’s some good eating.

We finished up lunch and walked up the island in the river which the River Café is on and did some shopping and watched the Mexican Kitties who inhabit the island lounge about in the palm fronds and then we decided to hit a large market where some lovely ladies gave me a very good price on Mexican glass swizzle sticks for the sales staff back in MCI then we decided that no trip to PVR would be complete without a visit to the Mexican Wal-Mart so we hopped into a taxi and headed over.

The Mexican Wal-Mart is big and bright and clean despite the birds flying around over the open bakery. We bought some essentials (Mexican tonic water, Sol’ Beer which Mrs. Paris had been told she needed to try and some chips) then taxied back to the condo for a siesta followed by drinks.

We decided to head back down to El Dorado for dinner and of course were greeted like family and this evening, the young, charming and very handsome Uraguanian server Leo took wonderful care of us.

It was his last night before his month vacation and he was excited about that and the fact that he had just purchased some property on which to build a house.

I enjoyed a rib-eye to go with my sunset and Margaritas. After our dishes were cleared we decided to enjoy dessert so Mrs. Paris and my dear friend from Sacramento decided to split the flan trio and my dear friend from Houston and I decided to go with Mexican Coffee.

Well…Leo put on quite the show preparing our Mexican Coffees…they turned off the lights and the fan over our table, he warmed the Tequila and Kahlua over a flame then began to pour them from one silver gravy boat to another and then finally ignited the whole thing and it was just waterfalls of blue and orange flame and then he combined the flaming booze with the coffee, topped it with cream, and presented it to us…we applauded loudly and of course I tipped generously.

We made a slow waltz arm and arm back up the beach and then Mrs. Paris had an unexpected desire to go swimming so she and I slipped into our bathing gear and made our way down to the small but lovely condo pool located on a deck overlooking the beach.

We swam and talked and finally, as the hour grew late, made our way back upstairs. We would need our rest because the next day we were on our way to the jungle.