Me (On phone): I can't login to your (banking) website and can't reset my password.

Them (On phone): No problem Sir, I can fix that for you. Before we proceed, could you tell me the balance on your most recent statement?

Me: No, I can't login, remember? So I can't check my balance.

Them: Okay. If you look at your most recent paper statement, the number will be near the top.

Me: I don't have paper statements anymore because you hounded me into going paperless, remember?

Them: In that case you'l have to visit one of our branches to verify your identity. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Later ...

Me (at Branch): I can't login to your website and can't reset my password.

Them (at Branch): Oh we can't help you with that here, you'll have to call our Customer Service line.

Me: Then I'd like to speak to a manager. Is Mr. Scrooge available or is he too busy fetching coal, filling inkwells or kicking orphans?