OK, I'm tired. Worn out. Exhausted. But I wanted to contribute what little bits of wisdom I can from the last three weeks' experience before it turns to mush in my brain.

So, this time there will not be pithy anecdotes about being late to the airport, no catty nicknames for gate agents, and no diatribes on what a burden it is to be better than everyone else.

This time, just some facts.

In the last three weeks, I have had the opportunity to sample international J on several of the airlines either in SkyTeam or about to be. Here are my notes and general conclusions, which I hope to be of help to those making a choice of which carrier to fly within our ragtag little band of airlines which make up the Leftover Alliance™. This is probably of more use to NW/KL people than anyone else.

KLM Royal Dutch Airlines AMS-MSP
Was booked in coach on a high (S) fare. This entire route was a triple op-upgrade all the way from BCN to DFW. The numerous FD lounges in AMS are large, have almost nothing to eat, and are staffed by KLM LoungeDragons™, who receive the most advanced customer-aversion training leftover Guilders can buy. The showers are broken but if you insist long enough you'll be given a voucher for the shower cabin at the nearby transit hotel-cum-brothel. Said cabin resembles a Texaco mens room with a showerhead.

WBC in the MD11 is not bad from a seating perspective. Let's be honest here folks, we're flying the airline alliance equivalent of the Drury Inn. We aren't going to get EK-style suites with little privacy doors, nor UA-style suites with hot-and-cold-running bubbly, nor SQ-style suites with hydraulic butt massage. That being said, the antique La-Z-Boy style seats are pretty comfortable, and recline far enough to get some Ambien-induced sleep. The IFE is a throwback to the 1980's, and the food is barely edible. This based on my last three WBC trips. Staff is polite and nothing more, as if there is a powerful hatred seething just under the surface, ready to explode with a "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE™!" at any moment. But it didn't happen, at least on my flights.

KLM Plusses:
- 60" seat pitch
- relative ease of upgrades for Plats
- easy airport to transit
- almost always the lowest price on transatlantics ex-BCN

KLM Minuses:
- *****y staff pretty much everywhere
- ****ty food


Northwest Airlines DTW-AMS
The return trip DFW-BCN was already upgraded with FD points, on a new NW A330. I'm already on record as HATING the miserable gynecological exam tables serving as new "lie flat" seats on the A330. I'll spare you the graphic description of having your hips thrust upwards at an obscene angle or the frustration of constantly having to wake up and climb back to the top of the slippery "lie flat" seat that sits and an angle like a ****ing playground slide. Whoever thought these Tilt-A-Gurney™ seats were a good idea needs a good *****-slapping, Ike Turner-style.

The service was better than KL, with some of the Witches of Gatwick on this route but more patient and polite. Food service definitely better, with better food and better presentation. The dessert cart is quite nice and has a lot of good choices. IFE outstanding with a big screen, video on demand, and lots of choices.

The matron at the DTW lounge got snippy with me when I tried to bring two guests in, and explaining that I was one of their Best And Most Important Customers™ (as evidenced by my Platinum card and cheap fare) didn't sway her in the least. Other than that, the NW staff were to a one nice or better.

Northwest Plusses:
- Good service
- Good food
- Good IFE
- Good service

Northwest Minuses:
- Demon-spawn seats
- That witch in DTW who is gonna rue the day
- Difficulty of upgrades (I was very lucky)

Par-O-Flot CDG-SIN & SIN-CDG
AF was offering a cheap J ticket (2100EUR, booked in Z) BCN-SIN, so I figured I'd give it a try. The flight was on a 772 with the "old" business class. I was a bit concerned about being able to sleep, but in the end figured it was better than Y.

The plane is nice, the cabin attractively decorated and airy. Seat pitch is a very tight 50", but the seats are much more comfortable than the KL La-Z-Boys. When the seat in front of you is fully reclined it is difficult to move and impossible to exit if you aren't in an aisle. As a KL Plat I was unable to reserve row 4, the bulkhead.

Food was very good. Better than both KL and NW, though the quantity was less (imagine that...French airline with better quality/lower quantity vs. American airline). Service was genuine and friendly both on the ground and in the air with one exception. I showed her the back of my hand and she calmed right the hell down, though. IFE is basically the old KL system with a crappy touchscreen thing strapped to the front that just makes it harder to use. No VOD and small screen.

CDG I think was designed by someone who dropped acid and then thought they were JP Gaultier. Or maybe the guy who designed HabiTrails(tm) in the 70's. Either way...yuck. Confusing, and you must board at least a dozen busses to get where you're going.

AF Plusses:
- nice cabin and comfy seats
- good food
- competent service

AF Minuses:
- unacceptable seat pitch
- screwy airport

Malaysian Airlines KUL-HKG and HKG-KUL
The outbound was in F, the inbound in J on a 2-class plane. They were both 330's. This was an award booked through the KL FD help desk. 25K for Y, 45K for J. Duh.

So this is how the other half lives! Man what a difference. Genuinely friendly checkin and lounge staff. The MH F lounge is like a fricking palace. Huge spread of fantastic food, including the much-praised satay on the buffet. Table service. Panasonic shiatsu massage chairs. Wifi. Comfy sleeping rooms. Immaculately clean private restrooms with huge walk-in showers. Available massage and spa services. What a difference from the spinzels-and-a-diet-coke veal fattening pen that NW tries to pass off as their premium lounge.

On board in F, 72" pitch, lie-flat seats (this was the "old" F and J), and incredibly attentive service. Always called by name, the purser actually came over for a chat about my travels and how I liked the service and seemed to care. On a three-hour flight we had a five-course meal where everything was presented individually and served up onto the china. There was no congealed mostly-red stuff under foil to be seen.

In J, pitch was 50", but for some reason felt bigger than that on AF. Seats very comfortable. J food was the same as F, near as I could tell, but presented WBC-style, on a tray with everything at once. Didn't have a chance to try the IFE but it looked like the same old-skool system everyone else has. The purser told me about the A380s they have coming with what sounds like an F cabin similar to the Airbus mockups. Who knows.

Malaysian Plusses:
- fantastic service
- fantastic food
- lounge like something out of a julia roberts movie
- awesome seating in F

Malaysian Minuses:
- tight pitch in J
- not well integrated into the existing alliance/can't upgrade
- they don't go everywhere I want to go

Conclusions:

None of these are bad options. Given the choice (inter-Asia, US or Europe to Asia) I would fly MH without a doubt if it were possible to book. For us NW and KL folk, that means awards most likely. Go for the F. It is worth every point. Trust me. For Australia/NZ, it's really the only option we have.

All things being equal I think I would prefer to fly AF over KL on longhauls, even though the pitch is too small. The whole experience was more relaxed, less like an institutional transport service, and overall more pleasant. On routes with the new 60" pitch J, I think there is no doubt. All things are not equal, however, and CDG is a nightmare compared to AMS. So it will have to be a case-by-case call I guess.

I will actively try NOT to book flights on the NW 330s because those seats just suck. I guess that goes for some of the 744s as well, now. DC10, OK.

There you have it, kids. It's all highly opinionated, but hopefully there's something you can use.

Oh, yeah...if you haven't signed up for the BCN Do on Halloween Weekend yet, why the hell not?